A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I think my bf has a commitment phobea or smthin!! we've been together for 8 months now (he's 24 and am 22) and we've gotten really close, we c each others a lot, smtimes daily..and 2 months ago we started "sex play" like havin sex but am still a virgin, he is not a virgin thou cos he's had previous sex relationships!The thing is both of us havent told our parents, and 4 me 2 tell mine he has 2 officially commit 2 me as in engagement or at least meet my parents and it's bothering me alot that I go to meet him and lie to them sayin am out with friends!! Besides I c it as a big deal what we do 2gether (the "sex play" thing) that he's the 1 and only, I keep telling him that I wanna have sex with him when we'r married so it would be right! But he keeps sayin that he's not ready for any commitment now (not 4 financial reasons or nothing)I think he views marriage as a cage or smthin that will chain his freedom and I really love him so much I dont want 2 leave him, but still I can't be with him without any serious commitment!! I told him that he must tell his parents he said ok, but I think he said so 2 shut me cos he said ok and we can all go out blah blah and tell them that we'd get engaged someday but I cant tell u when cos am not ready!! then some other times he would say that it's all in my hands 2 make him wanna get married now and not later and I just dont know how?! Well he's a player and may b he doesnt c it as a big deal that we had "sex play" and that's y he isnt rushing to marry me, but I just feel so bad I can't stop seeing him nor do I c us improving so I just keep fighting with him over stupid things so he'd say c how we keep fighting how can we commit then, better be lovers forever than get engaged and fight n leave each others!!Am sry my letter is long but I seriously dont know what 2 do, I wanna make him not fear commitment and c that we should get engaged soon...thnx a lot!
View related questions:
engaged, player, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): honey 8 months is nothing been with my bf a little over 3 years live togther for 2 have a cat and dog, and still no ring!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThnx a lot 4 ur answers, I find them v helpfull, but there's smthin I'd like 2 say, I dont want 2 marry him just 2 have sex what I meant was I dont want 2 lose my virginity untill am married 2 him, & when we "sex play" there's always a threat I might get pregnant if smthin went wrong, & in the end he wont commit now...the thing is I call him a player cos he's had sex many times & am not even 100% sure that he hasnt had sex since we met, besides he flirts alllll the time & even infront of me, he stares at every passing gurl! maybe he's just doin so 2 tease me, but still ur right bout the age thing, he does say that he wont get married b4 27 or smthin, but I just think that lots of others do get married when theyr in our age! & I'd wait till he's ready but in return I want him 2 publicly admit that he wants 2 marry me or smthin, so that I wouldnt have 2 keep hiding it from my parents & still I dont want to push him either...
thnx again 4 hearing me out :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (29 September 2006):
 Your still young and only been together 8 months, for a girl thats a long time and crave the committment from it but for a guy there is still plenty to come before they go as far to commit to marriage, I agree with 2old4this men don't look at getting married til they are later on in their 20s where as women are looking for that kind of committment much earlier and he's already been with you 8 months without any pressure for you to sleep with him, he's had sex before so he now knows what he is missing out on yet he is still there.
Good luck :o)
...............................
A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (29 September 2006):
 I don't know how you can call him a player when he's gone without sex for 8 months. I don't know what you're reasons are for wanting to wait until you're married, but as he doesn't share those views, he's being very patient. If you want to marry him soon so you can have sex, perhaps you need to have a think about the physical side of the relationship because getting married to have sex is not a reason to get married. It almost sounds like you're using the sex as a dangling carrot to entice him. 8 months isn't long to be together and I personally think too soon to get engaged let alone married.
There is HUGE difference between getting engaged and meeting your parents. At 22 I think just telling your parents you're dating and introducing them should be enough for now.
I don't think it's him who has committment issues, I think it's you who has them, but in reverse. You are putting way too much pressure on him and if you think a guy is gonna marry you just to have sex, then you're a little bit bonkers! (sorry!)
...............................
A
male
reader, 2old4this  +, writes (29 September 2006):
 Ok. You are probably tired of hearing this, but you guys ARE still young. Guys don't tend to look towards marraige as young as he is. It's more like there late twenties, 27 or 28 that they really start wanting this. Unfortunately, women are looking towards marraige at 18 and 19 or so. Don't give up on him, though. Because if he has had sexual relationships before you, and 8 months later he is still sticking by your side and not pressuring you for sex too much, he must really love you. You may have to be more patient than you wanted, but you have to give him more time if you believe he is worth it. Good luck.
...............................
|
