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female
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anonymous
writes: Im really stuck. Ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years and now and we've been through a lot (including a time when we split for a month). Last week I found out he had been sending dirty text messgaes to another girl. It really upset me and I felt deveasted. We've talked about it but it keeps playing on my mind. I'm worried I've been too easy and let him get away with it. Should I be with someone who texts other girls rude stuff?
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female
reader, mandy70  +, writes (9 February 2013):
He been with my bofriend for year and a half.The sex was great at first then it went down hill as he can't get a hard on so not had sex in the last few months.I split up from him and of course took him back. He said it all change so that a month now. Went through his phone and came across dirty texts messages to this girl and plus a picture of him with a hard on, so i asked him why?He said he was bored and not with me, and he was not meeting up with this girl, it was just fun.So I asked why he can get a hard on with this girl and he could not reply So what do you think i should do?Thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): It happened to me in a 3yr relationship, on many occassions. Oh it's just a bit of fun, you're jealous, paranoid, possessive etc, he told me. I did find out that he was actually sleeping with these girls despite his lies. Dump him, cos when he's gotten away with it once then he will do it again. If he really wants you then let him grovel for you, cos he ain't worth it!!!
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (28 June 2006):
 I am assuming he has now stopped and he has at least tried to apologise ? How dare he send messages of a sexy nature to another girl when hes with you!! Why in the world would he want to ? Where did he find her ? Is she the only one ? This is an issue of trust now and i do sense that you have been lenient with him from the way your write, im guessing you dont want to lose him, but hun, if hes capable of this what else is he capable of ? I hope he is remorseful and has at least tried to make it up to you (not that it will correct this overnight) and you have told him that your going to find it hard to trust him from now on. If he couldnt give two hoots then you gotta decide whether you really want to stay, as in his mind hes got away with it, and knows he can walk all over you, so will enevitably take something like this to the next step if not already! To be texting sexaul things to someone we normally need to know a bit about them first, so ask him where he met her, how, and why they started texting, is he someone that he sees from time to time ? The thing is you will be wondering now when your not together is he still doing this for thrills and is he going to take it any further... He really is out of order for doing this and if my man did it well he would be whipped to the kerb! he knows that he would be putting our whole relationship on the line! Its all about respect, trust and honesty, and to do something like this behind your back is sooooo wrong!! You need to ask him a few things to clear your mind a bit and decide what you want to do and how you will deal with it. So the things you need to know are, how long ? why ? wheres she from ? where did he find her ? Have they met or is it a text chat line thing ? Did he have an intention of meeting her ? (not that you will get a real answer for that one) What was he getting out of it ? Was she the only one ? Is he sorry for betraying you ? You need for your sake to know these answers so you can deal with this in your head and decide how you want to proceed and if you can move on from this. You need to regain trust and thats going to take a while, but if hes really sorry for what he has done then he will have no qualms in answering your questions and taking this at your pace, but for godsake dont let him think its all cool as its not and you will be setting yourself up for more if you let him see he can get away with it.
I hope things work out for you.
Take care x x
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A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (28 June 2006):
 Hey there petal.
NOT COOL, NOT COOL AT ALL!
I've been with my man for 5 years and if I ever found out he was sending dirty messages to someone else that would be the end of it, 5 years or not! That is completely disrespectful and I view it as plain cheating. It would bring me down so much and question as to why am I not good enough anymore that he needs to be doing that with another girl!
Sorry - that probably really didn't help. It just makes me so angry that he did this to you AFTER 5 YEARS TOGETHER!
When you talked about it - what did he say? Was he apologetic? Did he admit he made a terrible mistake and it won't happen again? How has this affected your trust in him?
Don't let him get away with this because he will think he can keep doing it and he will try and get away with more....
I know 5 years is a long time to be with someone, as I said, I know I am in that situation, BUT you cannot be with someone who thinks it's okay to send dirty message to another woman! You will be lowering your standards to the ground if you don't nail this in the butt now and tell him straight up that this kind of behaviour is de-grading to you, hurts you and if it happens again then, by golly, he will lose the best thing he will ever have.
I don't know why this has got me worked up..... I just really feel for you because I can put myself in your shoes if I caught my man doing this...
NOT ACCEPTABLE ONE LITTLE BIT!
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