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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I have been single for about a year now and not out of choice!! I dont know whats wrong with me but I cant get a boyfriend. When I was younger (I'm 21 now) I used to have a different date every month but now it seems that guys who do get my num dont call or just end up stringing me along or messing me around.I am an attractive girl but when a guy does show an interest I seem to have forgotten how to make him interested in seeing me again. They say they will call and never do. Its been over a year since I've even been on a date and i miss having a boyfriend!Any tips? What does a guy find attractive in a girl? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): Aside from being good looking and nice, how do you perceive yourself with others? Also, what do you mean when you say you are a nice person?
Example: I have a female friend in her mid-30's. She considers herself quite pretty, and I do agree. She also thinks she is a nice, personable person who is well-mannered, polite, and upbeat.
However, knowing her for 10 years, and witnessing her depressive and saddened states in the last 5 years, coupled with all the stories she told me about work, people, ex-friends, inter-corporate politics and drama, I found that she isn't as nice as she claims to be, nor is she as personable as she think she is. Many of the things that 'caused' her in that state of depression and sadness could have easily been avoided if she wasn't so 'daw see' (Cantonese) or I guess 'to fuel or encourage the brewing fire'.
She also attracted a lot of men anywhere between ex-students (she taught at the high school I went to) to really old men in power. However, one after the other, they left her. She puts her all into them and in the end, she never figured out why they left her.
I know I might be a bit off topic here, but what I am trying to say that your perception of yourself may not always be as accurate as how others perceive you to be. What guys find attractive in women aren't universal as well, as you most likely knew already, and was just looking for a combination of answers to give you an idea. That is fine.
However, realistically, the issues you have can't readily be solved through correspondances here alone. People need to know who you are, how you do things, how you express yourself, and how others see you.
In short, and in the bare, the guys you go after may not necessarily mean they are the same type of guys that give you tips here on DearCupid. Everyone can say someone who is sweet, nice, cute, and yaddi yadda, but in truth, it's not that simple.
Eg: I know A LOT of guys and girls who are fun and can converse and think on a deeper level, whom are considerate, compassionate, and ambitious people, but I bet you that you won't be compatible with the bulk of them. Why? Cuz there are always other factors - physical compatibilities - likes and dislikes, how they dress, groom themselves, their level of intelligence, wit, humor, experience, their goals in life, their obligations, etc, etc, etc, their interests, their differences, and so on. Like me, a lot of my guy friends tell me that they don't understand why I can't get women as easily because of so and so, and I tell them that if it were that easy - just to use basic personality and basic looks, then sure, the world would be a happier place possibly. Alas, it is just not so.
What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): What makes you say you're attractive?
Looks? Your body? Your hair? A combination of your physical attire?
Hardly, if you don't have everything else that makes someone attractive - at least through my eyes, then you're not as attractive as you say you are. Looks makes up a part of initial attraction, possibly ongoing attraction as well, but it doesn't make up the sole factor of attraction.
I can't give you tips, if I don't know anything about you, the type of guys you like and accept/go for, and what your goals in a relationship are.
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