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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and have been living together for about a year. We have decided to marry but have NOT set a date. Recently, our plans to marry have run aground when I told her that I had made changes to my beneficiary designation.I had assigned her as my 100% beneficiary for my savings/retirement account. She is also the 75% beneficiary for my state retirement benefits and my sister the 25%. In addition, I also had a $100,000.00 life insurance policy which I recently increased to $300,000.00 and made her the 33% (or $100,000.00) beneficiary while assigning my parents 67%. Until recently, she had NOT been assigned a percentage of anything. She is upset at the fact that I had NOT assigned her as the sole (100%) beneficiary of the above accounts and has stated that traditionally, a spouse leaves everything to the other spouse. She has also stated that by assigning her less than 100%, I have NOT made her the priority of my life.Based on your experience/knowledge, is her request reasonable and am I headed for disaster.Sincerely,About Bennies Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): hiya, well to put it simply i can understand what u have done with sharing it out! i think i would have done the exact same thing! i dont think what she is saying is reasonable! they are your family and you want to give them something if you go! its not like she isnt getting anything!! maybe if your parents arnt here anymore one day and you and your wife are still together you should change it and give her a larger share but until then i think your doing the right thing!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): Considering you are not married, I think that you have been more than generous and really, compared to the men I know, very sensible in planning for these sorts of things.
From her point, she may be feeling a bit slighted and that is what is upsetting her. I assume you have done this to ensure that in case anything bad happens you know that your parents will not have to worry in their old age. Perhaps you should outline these reasons to her.
I would explain to her that this will has nothing to do with love, it is about sensible planning. You love your family and want to ensure that they have a dignified old age. Hopefully you will be there for them and if they ever needed a loan you would be able to give them one but just in case something happens to you, you want them to be protected.
As she is gaining the other savings and part of the insurance, this also ensures that she is looked after in case of your death. The same way you want to ensure your family is looked after, you want to ensure that she is looked after and that is why you have left her the majority of your money.
However, in case you are feeling like she is a gold digger and you are questioning the trust between the two, I think it is important to question the reason she is upset. Is it because she feels a bit slighted or a bit less loved, does she feel that you don't trust her in the event of your death, she gets the money and leaves your family in financial trouble etc etc. I know she said she doesn't feel like she is the priority but it is worth exploring the reasons for this a bit more.
I think that you are being very reasonable, as I said, especially as you have not set a wedding date and are only engaged. Personally, I think you are being too generous and I would not expect a partner to that until we were married and even then I would understand if he wanted to leave some to his family, especially if he had made a reasonable amount of money and had some concerns regarding his relative's financial security.
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