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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a passive-aggresive person in my relationship with my boyfriend. I have difficulty telling him what hurts me, and when he does I just play it off like it didn't hurt me and laugh about the situation. Because of this I have done things and have lost his trust. How do I open up to him about what bothers me? Reply to this Question
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reader, pops +, writes (30 July 2005):
First get some professional help for your emotional and mental disorder. This is serious. You can never have an honest relationship with people if you are dishonest to yourself. When you don't tell people your true feelings, you are lying to them, and worse, your brain will find ways for you to punish them for the hurt they cause because you did not let them know what they are doing hurts you. Far better to relieve any stress on yourself by telling people honestly when they say or do something that hurts you, than to bottle it up inside you, and watch it come out in some equally evil way. If you are hurting other people through your words or actions, you can't expect them to want to have anything to do with you. Then, having learned how to cope with this problem of yours, you will be able to talk to him straight out, tell him the whole truth, ask his forgiveness for your prior bad acts, and ask him if he will give you another chance. Its his decision, and don't be surprised if he wants to think about it, some, or simply says no. Get on your life with the lessons learned.
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (29 July 2005):
 Sugar...you just pick a time and say what is exactly in your heart. Explain to him nicely what bothers you and how it makes you feel. Doing this is going to make you seem liek you only care about yourself kind of ...so make sure and incorporate him in how you feel. Tell him things like I really care about you and love you but...OR ..I am happy in this relationship...the only thing that makes me uncomfortable is.... Also be honest and YOU consider how he feels after. Encourage him to share with you as well. Relationships are all about compromise and communication .....once you trust each other there...it gets easiier with time. If you love each other ...anything can work out. Just be clear and honest.
Good Luck...ana
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A
male
reader, Amore +, writes (29 July 2005):
Hi!
This is a fairly simple solution, but its effect will depend on what type of person he is.
My best advice will be to sit him down one day, and tell him exactly what he does. Never play it off, next time he hurts you, confront him and say that what he just done hurt, which may completely shock him due to your passive-aggresive nature
Don't ever keep pain, discomfort, or unhappiness bottled up, you should always confront the situation and make it work
You can do this, i know you can! Good Luck hun, X Amore
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