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female
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*exless marriage
writes: I have been married to my husband for 24 years. I love him more than anything in the world, and I have never been out on him. We used to watch porn movies, and fantasise about bringing another female into our bedroom to share, and play with. Because I got scared and backed out, and am no longer friends with this person, my husband refuses to have sex with me. He said that I threw us away. I have begged and pleaded with him, and still nothing. Did I do wrong? Just because we were talking about our fantasies, does that mean that we have to actually go through with it? How do I get my husband to make love to me again? I almost wish that I would have gone through with it, and just dealt with it later. Please give me some answers.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 November 2006):
 I say stand your ground, he's trying to get his way by witholding sex, how infantile is that!? Tell him that a threesome is out and you guys need to move on with your marriage, if he refuses then it's time to consider a separation. I think you will find out pretty damn quick how he truly feels about you if he thinks you mean what you say. Stay cool, calm, and collected. Show him how an adult behaves.
A
female
reader, sexless marriage +, writes (1 November 2006):
sexless marriage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo far the answers that I have received have been wonderful. I have been wanting to ask somebody if what I did was wrong, but it is so embarassing that I didn't know who to talk to about this. He says that I have hurt him, and he hopes that I never have another orgasm again as long as I live. I think we have had sex 3 times in the past year.We had the best sex life ever, and I really do miss it. Keep the answers coming, I am open to any suggestions.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 November 2006):
 Don't let him fool you. He might have got his hopes up and thought you were on the same page as him but if you're not into it, DON'T do it. You'll regret it later and you might even resent your husband for talking you into it. Actually, he should respect your decision...period. I kind of like what the anonymous reply offerd.....tell your husband you'd like a threesome but you'd prefer him and another guy. See how he likes that. This is your husbands fantasy, not yours. Unfortunately, his fantasy involves you being in agreement.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): No you didn't do anything wrong and for goodness sakes, quit pleading with him. Be strong and live by the standards you set for yourself. Stop abdicating your values and allowing your man to disrespect you like this. This is causing him to not to live by the principles of what a marriage should be ---which is sharing and giving on both parts. Allowing yourself to be treated this way, may make for fun sexual moments for 'him', but it certainly is not making you happy in any more profound, long lasting way. eg: the threesome. Your husband is 'pouting' like a indulged child who didn't get his 'candy'. So he's punishing you. Why are you putting up with this and constantly caretaking such a selfish man? His hurt feelings are ALL about blatant pettiness, selfishness and his ego. And marriage is no place for that, hun. Be strong and tell him to stop this crap..he's treating you horribly. Tell him and maybe he'll start to respect you again and you'll shed your neediness. If he doesn't respect you then, maybe you should think about 'shedding' your husband. Because the way it is now, you are sacrificing your own happiness for an ungrateful partner who thinks of no one but himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): Your husband will not stop loving you just because you decided not to go through with a threesome. You need to see your own worth and not stand for his childish behaviour. No, you did not do any thing wrong.
You need to stand up for yourself - and, to be honest, I think there is something a bit suspicious in that he has simply refused to stop sleeping with you just because you didn't go through with his fantasy.
Threesomes have a very high chance of ruining a relationship. Personally speaking, I think you made the right choice. And looking at the maturity of your husband from his reaction to this I would say again that you made the right choice.
Have you wondered that perhaps he has taken it particularly bad because he was excited to have sex with another girl? You should ask yourself why it meant so much to him for you two to include another girl in your sex life. Perhaps there is more to why he is reacting so badly?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): Have a guy as # 3 and see what hubby thinks about threesomes then.
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