A
female
age
30-35,
*oftlipz
writes:I would really like your help, sorry about it being so long. Okay so there's this guy who I had 2 classes with last year, we never really spoke to each other, and he was just another class mate. In late April of 2008, I would notice that he would stare at me all the time and I used to wonder why he would do it. So I eventually started liking him because I was noticing him from the staring. So in late May, I told him on Msn that I liked him and at first he didn't take me seriously then he said that he didn't want to waste my time because he had a girlfriend.But even after he told me that, he would still stare at me, whenever I would walk past him, he doesn't look at me until I turn around to look at him then I see him looking back at me at the same time. So this has been going on for like a year with the whole staring thing, except it would be in the hallways because we didn't have any classes together this year. One night I was talking to one of my guy friends on msn and prom came up, so he asked me who I wanted to take as my prom date and I told him the name of my crush but then I said that I can't go with him because he has a girlfriend then my guy friend put a confused face and said that he doesn't have a girlfriend because they know each other. I've asked around before and everyone told me that he doesn't have a girlfriend so I figured that he lied to me about that. So my prom was on June 5th and I told my myself that I should dance with him since I won't see him again because he's going off to University, but I changed my mind because I was too scared. So anyways I noticed that for the whole night; he kept on staring at me, even when I was on the dance floor, I would look around in the crowd to find him staring at me.So I was starting to think that maybe he wanted to dance with me. So I took a break from dancing, went to get a drink from the bar and went back on the dance floor. I wasn't really dancing because I didn't like the song they were playing so I was just slowing rocking, then I noticed that I was standing near him so I felt kind of awkward. So I'm standing there then I noticed that he kept coming closer and closer to me slowly. we were so close to each other that his arm was up against mine then suddenly, I felt him grab me by the waist and started dancing with me so I was shocked at first then I started dancing with him. While we were dancing; he kept rubbing my arms up and down, he took my hand and folded his hand into mine. Then the Dj started playing a slow song and we parted from each other for a little while then we were both looking around in the crowd then he finally locked eyes with me and asked me if i wanted to dance? So I smiled and nodded yes. While we were slow dancing; he kept rubbing my back up and down slowly, and then he ran his hand over my butt a couple of times and I had my face pressed up on his chest. Then when a fast song came on, we smiled at each other and started dancing again. We danced together to 6 songs. Then we went our separate ways.So 2 days later, my friend told me that she spoke to him on Face book and she sent me the Convo. I was brought up into the convo and my friend said that me and him looked hot together while we were dancing then he said: ahaha, I don't want to give the wrong intentions by the way, she's a cool person but yea..Then later on in the convo, he said he just wanted to have fun. So I was crushed by that. I mean I understood when he said he wanted to have fun but what was the whole clasping hands thing all about? I seriously thought he liked me that way because I was the only girl he danced with for the whole night; I thought he was thinking the same thing that he wanted to dance with me since we won't be seeing each other again. so I sent him a message on Msn later that night saying: "hey, I saw the Convo with you and my friend I just wanted to say that you weren't giving me the wrong intentions and I don't mean to be rude, I had fun and I danced with other guys and u weren't the one who made my night." I only said that because I didn't want to seem desperate and of course he made my night but I couldn't let him know that. so then he replied back saying: Cool, I only said that because your friend kept saying that we looked so hot together dancing, I hope I didn't say anything to make you mad." so I said: no I’m not mad" so then I was feeling really bad for what I said so I went to school the next day and I went up to him and said: "hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" then he said: "sure" so I said: okay, I don't mean to sound annoying but about that message I sent you on msn about prom, I didn't mean to say it like that." then he said smiling: it's okay, it's okay, who cares. Then I said: no, I only said that because I didn't want to look desperate. But I didn't mean It." then he said: its okay. then I said(blushing): I know this might not matter to you,(then I put my hands to my face and said "oh my gosh") then he smiled and said: "this must be hard for you to say" then I laughed and said: I’m going to be honest with you, but you were the one that made my night" then he was smiling for the whole time then I said: I know you don't like me like that but I just wanted to be honest so yea...then he kept smiling then he said: okay well thanks...have a nice day, then I said: okay, thanks you too. so people told me that he doesn't like me like that, he does like me but is afraid of what other people might think, or he does like me but isn't ready for a relationship. I was wondering if it had anything to do with the race thing, because he's Indian and I'm black, and I heard that Indians cannot date outside of their race. I'm so sorry if this is long, just wanted to give you guys some background info. Thank-you
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male
reader, Rajesh Nair  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 Hi Softlipz, it's a wrong notion you've got, that Indians cannot date outside of their race. For sure, there isn't a law/tradition here, which forbids you to do it.As for this guy, you've already conveyed your feelings to him, and it's up to him now, whether he wants to nurture this friendship to the next level or not. Its quite possible that he may not be ready for a relationship, but then its your responsibility too, to ensure that unless he is ready for it, he doesn't play around with you in the manner which he did on the dance floor. Don't let yourself be the "source of fun" for him. Wait for a week or two, and if you don't get any positive vibes from his side, you have a choice of either asking all your questions to him straight away, or just moving on ahead with your life. I'm sure you understand, that your life and peace of mind is too precious to be wasted upon someone who's just interested in having some fun, at your expense.Take care and God bless!!! :)
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 to be honest i'm not sure he's THAT into you.
i mean you spilled your heart to him and he said
"okay well thanks have a nice day"?
if he liked you he'd at least stick around or tell you he feels the same.
but as he said to your friend in the convo he was looking for fun having a laugh letting his hair down and didn't intentionally want you to mistake that for you to think he has feelings for you.
what most guys do in a night club dance with girls grind with them act all touchy feely and then that's it because they don't want them just that night what happens.
i don't think it's to do with the race either just don't think he's that into you to be honest.
which is lame because you seem like a lovely person and i'm sure you can get anyone! he just misses out on you i guess.
Hope this helps :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 if you like each other nothing is matter, just wait and he since he able to open his heart as you did.if not then sorry for that.
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