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anonymous
writes: Hi, I have always seemed to go for non-suitable boyfriends and the last one I had I was with for 5 years and he was physically and mentally abusive. It took me a lot to leave him. I had a break from the whole dating scene for about 6 months.Then I met a guy who was gentle and everything all my ex's were not, which I loved in itself. We really got on and he really made me feel good when I was around him, but for some reason when I wasn't around him I was a mess! Insecure, wondering why he wasn't ringing, constantly seeking reassurance that he wanted to be with me, which is not like me at all, as I am normally very confident. In the end, I told him I needed some space because I was driving myself mad with worry. I told him roughly what the situation was and now he just wants to be friends, which has devastated me even though it was my idea in the first place! Am I always going to be like this? I feel as though I'm incapable of having a healthy relationship. I also have a daughter who I want to learn from me how to be in a healthy relationship too, because I don't want her making my mistakes.
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reader, Wendyg  +, writes (6 April 2005):
 Sorry that your past relationships have been so torrid hun, but you have to get over that if you are to make a fresh start!You have to start by accepting that everyone is different, and so is every relationship. It sounds as though you love this guy very much and because of this you were so scared you would lose it, trouble is you steamed in and thats whats so far happend... you need to learn to accept that there are good people out there, people that dont want to hurt you, just to love you... you dont say how long you have been together, im guessing its quite a new relationship... this could be a good time to sit together and explain how you both feel... let him know how much he means to you and that the reason you acted so hastily was because you were so scared of being hurt... hopefully he will listen to you and understand and with a bit of luck it will work out... but remember every book is different and so is whats inside! you have to learn to trust and confide in others, if your not able to do this then maybe you need more time on your own... only you will know that... but get out there and show the bad experiences the back door and boot them out.. and move on with your life... we cant live in the past... so stand up and move on!! :o)Take care All the best x
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reader, x-clare-x +, writes (6 April 2005):
Wow it sounds to me as if you really don't know what you want. Have you thought that perhaps this guy thinks that you don't want him? Ifyou said to him that you need some space he might have taken that as you not wanting to be with him. I think that you should sit down and tell him how you're feeling towards him. After all that is the best way of finding out what you both want from the relationship (if anything at all). If it turns out that there really is nothing you can do to change his mind then he obviously isn't the one for you. But when the 'one' does come along, then trust me you will know!
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