A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Was with a guy for 10 months - in the last 2-3 months he kept to break up with me sporadically just like that but mainly after we had a trivial fight..he would dump me by txt or by phone call..and we would keep to go back with each other once 3 days had passed cos the pain was too much and deep down we love each other and the physical side was always good and well..gorgeous..but now a lot of damage has taken place. He told me he was changing his number. I believe that he has changed his number and now am trying not to let it get to me. I wonder if he will ever contact me again. Before he broke up with me we were trying for a baby. He came in me lots around ovulation..I now wonder if I am..but I am not worried if I am..will be happy with the baby and stuff regardless of whether he comes back to me or not.I contacted him by email and that was the last communication I have given him - i.e. yesterday.He broke up with me for having a fight with his friend. She is polish and has a boyf. He got a txtfrom her inviting JUST him out but not us with her and her boyf. I queried this as found it peculiar she only invited him as opposed to 'us' out. He tried to change the topic..said he was taking me on a holiday etc. I let the matter drop. What I didnt know was the next day, he buys me breakfast..things are still okay.Though he mentions that she sent him an email asking to meet up. I go to lunch..Think nothing of it. Cos after all he told me he wanted me. Why should I worry?Then at lunch he rings me up cos he is upset with the fight he had with her. He then SUDDENLY dumps me by phone as I am walking back into work. I break down cos we had been trying for a baby and I think that I might be...but not sure yet have to wait. I then was so angry. Called him a cheater, prick..all sorts of names. Then in my anger, found her email address in the staff directory, sent her an email cc to him..saying I had been sleeping with him in case he was stringing the two of us along. Then threw up in the staff toilets after sending it. Rushed home, went sick the next day. She never replied but I was nice and said I wont blame you if you have slept with him as you prob didnt know about me. I just wanted her to know he had been playing the two of us..and I accused him of stringing both of us along.Prob 1He would not tell me what he said to her that made her burst into tears and run away but I am upset that he could meet her face to face..BUT not me. I get dumped by a phone call over THEIR FIGHT. I had a go at him for this - he sent me a crap txt cos his ego was sore about the email I sent her and told me its your fault if you lose your job...but I only was seeking the truth from her since he wasnt so forthcoming and I just wanted to know. He then angrily txt me and told me he had done nothing wrong but that I was totally sick to do and say the thing that I said. But I am happy I did. Even if she didnt reply. Cos that took a lot of courage to do on my part. I never cursed at her nor did I blame her just requested her not to cover up for him even if he is your friend. Just give me the truth since he won't bother for both our sakes.Prob 2What I dont get is why would she cry if he upset her WHEN she has a boyf WHO she is happy with???????????In my last email - I painfully forwarded this to him as I agreed with what it said.Wrote him this:Why should he expect you to be so understanding when he dumped you to 'please' a friend. I hate to point the obvious but if he cares more about this friend's crying and hurt then she must mean a lot more to him then you do. No guy dumps the love of his life and the woman he is planning a baby with for a 'friend'SObbbbbbb is this true???As odd as this sounds - I love him, I want him back..and well..I don't know how as I feel his number has been changed. He got my emails at least so am happy HE KNOWS. But its been 2 days now. This is the first day of no contact. Am miserable. I wish he would just tell me what went on so that I can put either a) closure to this b) move on if necessary or c) get back with him and iron out any outstanding issues first. He sent me 4 angry txts before totally ignoring me. Told me he won't ever be back..like as if I was the bad guy in all of this..I wrote him angry emails that said why don't you spare my feelings. The person you sleep with you cant face...and the person you are merely friends with..you can face her and give her respect but not to me..cos why you will fear I will go off on one?? not fair. He is avoiding me and like I said never wrote back..guess he is mulling over it all. BUT how can this relationship even be salvaged NOW that this has happened???? can it??? I know it will take time..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): sorry, I don't think this can be salvaged - even if you did it would be a wreck.
I think you have a lot of issues between you and as a result of lashing out a lot of damage. the fact he has split up basically says to me he isn't that into you.
You need closure - on something thats closed? You know this is over - so start working on repairing yourself, seeing how you can change anything you didnt like(e.g. learning from this one) and moving on.
I know it hurts - its supposed to - the only advice i can give is in this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/a-year-and-im-still-not-over-him.html
Take your time, and find someone who is really into you.
Hugs, Star.x.
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