A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Now I've finished college I'm considering coming off the pill and trying for a baby with my boyfriend of 16 months. He's 22 and already has a 2 year old son with his ex, and is dying to start a family with me. I really want to too, but something's holding me back from coming off the pill. I know how much my family would disapprove of me having a child at such a young age, and I've spent my whole life trying to please them. I don't want to be a disappointment. I also fear becoming a single teenage mum if my bf and I break up (it's unlikely, but you never know). Am I just nitpicking? I love the idea of being a Mum and nothing would make me happier than starting a family with my boyfriend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): sweetie this is a huge step to take so young and as yet you dont know the relationship will last. the first two years of any relationship can be fantastic then things can suddenly change, believe me i've been there.why dont you try something smaller like moving in together an being a family just the two of you on a daily basis rather than rushing in to having children.remember this baby would be with you all day everyday and doing it alone is nowhere near as easy as you think. Dont make my mistake.really hope i've helped you and everything works outxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): Excuse me for being harsh, but have you gone stupid, you are a college graduate and you think it would be unlikely that a man who is not committed to you enough to marry you, would ever leave you, and that perhaps your motivation to have a baby with him is to some how seal the deal....
Having a child adds stress to the relationship, not just happiness at being a MUM and Dad....that is for mature adults who are financially stable and mature enough to make sure that they are providing a stable environment and family unit to bring a child into the world and give it the best start in life that is possible.
Please don't be another statistic, one more teen mother who did not use the gray matter between her ears, but instead flaked out into some romantic ideal that has nothing to do with the reality of her situation, you would be a single mom, even if you think your boyfriend would stick around to help you raise the child....he is already a one time loser, a father who is not with his child's mother, what makes you think you are so special to change him into a committed partner?
The sad thing is it is your child who would pay for your mistakes, your lack of rational thought and lack of integrity to your values.
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (24 September 2007):
 The thing that's holding you back is your common sense. A baby deserves a much more stable situation to be born into. Marriage isn't some old-fashioned idea of morals. When you're married you have legal benefits and rights that will help the child, too. Not the least of which is financial support should something happen to the relationship.
He already has a child with someone else, which means he has no worries leaving someone who's given him a child. There's always a chance could do the same to you. In your heart you see this, which is why you're hesitating.
If he's the one, which is entirely possible, then he'll still be the one several years from now, right? If he loves you, he'll wait until you're ready. Then you'll have had a chance to work on (1) your career, (2) your relationship, (3) your financial situation, and (4) having the fun you can only have before you have children.
If he won't wait for you, then let him go and consider yourself lucky. Please wait. Take care hon.
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