A
female
age
36-40,
*nasweetie
writes:I met my boyfriend in August 2006, we dated and then broke up. He has a total of 4 kids. 3 of them with his ex wife and 1 with another woman. I have met all the kids. Well we recently got back together in June 2008 and now BOTH women have told him that as long as he is with me that he can't have his kids so he goes over to one of the exes to see his daughter twice a week for 2 hours and now she wants him to go trick or treating. I am not allowed to be involved at all. I really don't know what I should do, someone please help?????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): If you two are serious, then you should be involved. Some ex wives can be real b**ches. They are bitter, and jealous that their ex is probably happy with someone else.
As far as the trick or treating goes, I feel that they are ex's, so why confuse the kid. I think that should be left for special occasions. Let the kid alternate every year with a different parent. Why do they have to go together as a family that they are not?
However, this guy does not seem to be sticking out for you. The ex is a goner, and he should have equal say. If he can't do that for you, I'd say run. Being a step-parent is hell (personal experience), and when the ex is a wedge in the relationship is even harder. Four kids are a lot to handle, and unfortunately they will always leave you out of picture. Teachers, doctors, friends of the kids will see you as an intruder.
good luck, and take care of your self because no one in this mix family will.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (26 October 2008):
 You cant do anything. If my kids dad kept splitting with someone then getting back with them, I wouldn't want them being involved in that either. Its too unsettling. I'm sure there is more to this story than you have put here.
Nothing wrong with them going trick or treating with their dad. Thats part of being a parent.
C xxxxx
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