A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, here's the deal. My boyfriend's parents are way too overprotective. So much it drives me and him crazy.He's going to turn 19 in a couple of months, and yet they don't let him stay out longer than 12 am. We went to a party once and everyone, I mean everyone, was staying up until at least 3 am, and we both ended up leaving at 12 am so that his parents wouldn't scream at him. We got a taxi but it took a while to get home, so he got home around 1 am, and a huge fight between him and his parents followed. They even made him spend the rest of the week in the house and did not allow him to go anywhere so he could "learn from his mistakes".Sure, his parents are nice people, but what the hell. He is an adult now, he's almost 19, and perfectly able to take care of himself and they won't even let him out passed 12? For goodness's sake. I mean, it's good that they're worried, but this is just too much. It's been ruining all the days we get to spend together. We have to make sure to leave early so that his parents won't give him trouble. And they also think I'm bad influence because I've been "dragging" him to clubs and stuff every once in a while to have fun. And it's not like we go anywhere dangerous or anything, and that we always need a parent to follow us around. That's just driving me crazy.I keep telling him to have a talk with his parents about this but he says that everytime he brings it up things get really nasty. Their main point is that "As long as he lives under their protection and in this house, he has to follow the rules". He has thought about moving out, but that's not an option at the moment because there's not enough money and his parents are paying for his studies at the university.I really don't know how to deal with this. It's driving us both crazy. We even had a fight once because he wasn't allowed to go out on my birthday. He sneaked out of the house but when his parents found out I couldn't see him for a week again. Ugh. It's so frustrating. Please help?
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 December 2009):
"I mean, what the hell, he's an adult now..."!!!!! If he is so grown up then why doesnt he get his own place and pay his own bills?!?! Don't you see that's how we all leave home in the end? Why can't you be the one to compromise and plan your activities around daylight hours and early evening? He's very lucky he even has a midnight curfew; mine was 10.30pm until I got married!!!! They are investing in his education and want to do their best to give him a good start. You are probably a good person but I wonder why your parents would let you be out at 3am?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 December 2009):
 I think that is something between HIM and HIS parents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): "Their main point is that "As long as he lives under their protection and in this house, he has to follow the rules""
Not much fun, but thats the way it will be. As long as he's not adult enough to pay for himself, I guess he needs to live by the childish rules. The parents have been doing this for near 20 years now. What makes you think there's a magic cure? Im not saying it's fair at all. Its silly, and many parents should really learn to let go when it's time! The "children" aren't children the entire life! But sadly, many parents fail to see when their child has passed the diaper stage and is ready to stay out past midnight.
At any rate, this is not your concern. Date a guy who's more free if you get tired of his parents. If you stay with this guy all you can and should do is bite your teeth together and endure it. It's only some 3-4 more years right?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (19 December 2009):
University is expensive!
If he's getting that paid for him then he can put up with them for a few years yet.
Or he can do what the rest of us do and get a student loan and be prepared to get in debt for his degree.
If he has to be in early then he should go out earlier.
There is nothing stopping you spending time with him during the day and then his mummy can have him back to wrap in cotton wool all night.
This is his choice to stay there and take the money option, so until he decides to grow up you're going to have to put up with it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 December 2009):
 ah, well, its not as if he doesnt have a choice is it? He can live under their roof, with them supporting him and paying for his university studeies, and I assume his undies and his toothpaste and everyother thing a person uses, or he can quit studies and get a job, move out and then he wont have to follow their silly rules will he.
They are investing a lot of time and money into this 19 year old, investing in HIS future, well okay, if it were me occassionally I would let him stay out to 1am, but I'm not the one paying the bills am I?
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