A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Is my bf cheating on me?I caught him using an online dating profile website. He said he hasnt met any of the girls he had talked to though. I read some of the messages back and forth between him and this one girl and he is def flirting with her, saying shes hot etc. I had to stop myself reading there because I was to scared to read more and read that he might of suggested they meet. Even if he doesnt meet them, I still feel hes betrayed me. He didnt tell this random online girl that he had a gf did he. And his profile says he is single. Why would he do this to me? Do you think he has met the girls hes talked to, even though he says he hasnt? He says he was just being friendly.Why cant he see anything wrong with this? I feel so hurt. It would surprise me if he is cheating because we arent having a sexual relationship at this stage, because I believe in waiting...and he said he was ok with that. But i dont think he is.
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 It's not your fault. Not by a long shot. Don't take his disrespectful actions upon yourself, because you don't deserve any blame. You ARE good enough, and honestly I think he doesn't deserve you. It's not your fault at all.
His actions in the club are flirting. Just because he calls an elephant a duck doesn't mean it's a duck, KWIM? Not only that, it's extremely disrespectful to go around pinching butts of women right in front of you.
I believe that being with a man who doesn't respect you is a waste of time. A man who honestly loves a woman respects her and treats her well. He doesn't invalidate his woman's feelings and make her feel like what she thinks doesn't matter. Life is too short to stay with someone who makes you feel bad.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just feel like he has no respect for me. One night we were at a club with his friends and he started pinching two girls bums in particular. And he kept making sexal jokes towards them...even entertaining the idea of having a threesom with these two girls and himself....but apparantly thats not fliritng, thats being frinedly and having a good joke. Apparantly im too uptight and oversely sensitive because i get upset over him just being friendly.
With the online dating website, from the messages I read, he was telling these gilrs they are hot and was making an effort to get to know them by asking them questions. Like i said, i didnt read far enough into the messages to see if they meet up or not. But what else could be his intentions? as if he would just go to all that trouble for nothing...and if hes not geting sex from me, he has a motive right?
now i just feel bad like all this is my fault. that he woudlnt disrespect me in these ways if i was good enough for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): I met a guy through one of those sites... never mentioned the fact he had a gf. I met up with him, we had sex then he just blurted out that his gf (who he lived with!) was away. turns out he had girls over most weeks.
Now this might not be the case with you but i'm just saying...be careful
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 September 2009):
He's got a screwed up definition of "friendly". Friendly is talking to other people and being honest with them, not hiding the fact that he has a girlfriend. If he's just being friendly he would have put that he has a girlfriend on his profile; instead he is putting himself out there as a single man.
If you let this slide, he will keep doing it. I suggest that you find another guy who has the same definition of friendly as you do.
Good luck.
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