A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im so sure that my boyfriend is cheating on me but he swears he's not. i want to believe him, but i feel like i shouldnt. what should i do? here's my story:i have "the perfect boyfriend", the type that is too good to be true. he treats me like a queen and its seems like im his life. But its hard on me because we dont have cars and we're a 2 hour bus ride away, and he's in a gang. We tell each other everything and are very open and honest. But i've caught him lying to me about little things that he knows wouldn't upset me in the first place. Which makes me wonder if i can really trust him. He says that everything he does is for me, for us, but he can't even go to school or quit weed for me...ok, so he's been adding random, pretty girls (he didn't even know they're names)on myspace a lot lately. and they all live close to him. they're profiles are on private and there's nothing that suggests gang activity, but he claims that he added them because they could be from his gang. and his ex called him babe and he calls her cutie on myspace. ever since he notices i was reading his comments, he's been deleting them. And he has girl's numbers in his phone from his couseling group, but he says he never talks to them and he tells me that girls have crushes on him in there, he thinks its funny.i pretended to send 1 of those girls a pic (with his phone) of us saying "me and my lady" on it and he freaked out! saying "oh, what if she thinks im hitting on her". but it specifally said that im his GF, so i think he just didnt want her to know that he has a GF??? And when he's with his "homies" he will only text, if im lucky. but when i call private, i hear girls as well.The final straw: we always talk for a very long time every night and he never wants to hang up. but last night i was trying to have a serious convo about us and it was like i was talking to myself! 11:00pm, he's not tired for once. i heard noises, i asked what he was doing and he said he was re-arranging his room??? i put him on hold and when i came back, i sat on the phone in silence, listening. i could hear him wispering (and a laugh)but i couldn't tell what he was saying. and i thought i caould just barely hear a female's voice to. when i asked who he was talking to, he said he was talking to himself. so i asked why he was laughing to himself and why there was another voice, he said it was the music on his computer. but i've heard every song he has, there are no girls in them. i thought i could barely hear him moaning and stuff while i was talking. i'd finish with a question and there's no response, just faint noises. when i would finally get loud he'd say "huh, what?" i'd repeat the question but he'd always trail off in the middle of a sentense and wisper something. again, he says he's singing with the music, but he cant look at the screen to tell my what song it is. and once, i was talking and he says " oh shit hold on!" and puts the phone down. he comes back about 10 seconds later and says he went to the bathroom. (thats was aweful quick!?) ...so finally i sat quiet and i could've sworn i heard him wisper " go slow, go slow" i started crying, yelled "i heard that" and hung up. he called back and was trippin. "what did you hear, what did you hear" i told him and he said im trippin, he would never hurt me. and then i hear his screen door open and close and then he wispers again. but he said he went outside so his mom couldn't hear, (all of a sudden). then he goes back in his room, and guess what, there was no more "music" in the background. he cried hystarically for an hour swearing that i was wrong and he would never do that, he would never hurt me and that im his life, he's never loved anyone like he loves me....he's still trying to convince me today that im wrong. i should also tell you that i have no female friends @ all, so i know that it doesn't always mean they're cheating. (but my homies try to get @ me all the time, like a typical guy) and also, i've been paranoid for a while now and i was high when this happened. maybe i just hearing stuff, you know, when you're so paranoid about something and you're mind plays tricks on you making you think its true?deep down i think i know the truth, but i love him sooo much and i want to believe him. we've been through so much, and he's made me happier than i've ever been (until this).i dont know, i guess i love him so much and im so scared of living without him that im telling myself that maybe im trippin and to give him a chance. All i can think about is what if i leave him, but i was wrong and he didn't cheat!? But then again, what if i stay and im right and this happens again?! i've been hurt wayyy to many times! i've walked in on my ex's cheating, but none of them hurt as bad as this does. i dont wanna let him go, but i dont wanna be played either.. i've never trusted anyone, i always think everyone is up to something, hurting me in some way. Could i just be trippin insecure(i've always been very insecure, self concous, with very low self seteem) and paranoid, or is this real, did he really cheat?what do you think? please help. i love him sooo much, this is killing me. i can't eat, i can't sleep, im so confused, i don't know what to do or think. Help!!!sorry this is so long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell don't i feel stupid! i did some investigating & found out that he was just drunk off his ass but didn't want to tell me. (yes i have evidence of it) i think he may have been on youtube or something cuz he doesn't remember shit & neither do his homies he drank with....so, yes, i am most definitely an INSECURE, PARANOID, DUMBASS!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy dream boyfriend is not necessarily a gang member. i don't agree with gangs themselves, but i like cholos. I like bad boys that are down for their shit, not scared of anything or anyone, dont snitch and hate the pigs. He's the only gang member i've ever even thought about being with. I live in Los Angeles, thats what i grew up with. I am myself a felon. I just turned 18 but i've been living the criminal life for a long time now & i NEVER went to school either. I am a recovering drug addict of (weed, meth, cocain, crack, heroin, acid, pcp, and pills). And he is doing much better in life than i was. He has never tried anything other than weed, although i wish he would quit & he's gonna graduate from High School. I didn't even make it through 9th grade. And i've always been paranoid about everyone in my life (friend or lover). I have trust issues and don't think much of myself @ all. Thats why i sometimes think maybe im just trippin, but idk...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): You say you're with the 'perfect boyfriend' who's 'too good to be true' and treats you like a queen.. but if you're constantly paranoid about him, thinks he's cheating on you then he's not the perfect boyfriend is he.
I must say, you have a strange love of men. Not many women would say their dream man was someone who was in a gang, smokes weed, never goes to school and 'possibly' cheating on them.
I can't say if he actually is cheating on you, and nobody on here can as you will only find out if you 100% see it with your own eyes.
Good luck.
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