A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years and living together for 3 years! We have a two year old boy and i am pregnant with our second!! I know our relationship has never been the best in the world or the healthiest Lately we have been fighting everyday pretty much!! Especially right now here has been the issue his family just moved to the area and all he wants to do is spend time with them and it's fine with me but he wants to be there all day everyday he barely spends time with our son and me!! He dedicates more time to them than us and when i confront him about it he says im selfish and im keeping him away from his family!! But in my mind we are a family which means we should come 1st!! He is also verbally abuse towards me always calling me stupid and dumb and that i dont know anything !! I know its time to end this and move on with our lives!! Over the course of the 5 years he has done some things to me that i look back and say it's never been healthy. I'm just so scared to start over as a single parent of two i know i am young im only 26 years old. It's just hard to imagine my life and our kids lives without him there!! I know it's best that we seperate for our sake and our kids!! But how do i let go!! I feel like i have let myseld down i stopped my life bc of this guy and for what he says he doesnt see marriage with me or a future!! I lie to my family and friends and tell them that all is well when in reality he hates me (his own words) How do i just say enough and move on!! I feel like i still love him but i know in my heart its not love its just comfort of being together for a while and our kids!! I want to be happy again i want to learn how to love myself and my life again for me and my kids but i am soooooooo scared and feel so alone!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (31 December 2009):
 You know exactly what you want, and need to do! It is the fear of the unknown that is preventing you from taking action. That's perfectly normal. But you can do it! I was 21, with two daughters (two yrs old, and 6 months old) when I left their father. I had to ask myself, "will trying to make it on my own be any worse than sticking it out with him?"
Your life will go on! You will find happiness! Trust me, I know!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's too bad you didn't leave him before having 2 of his kids, because now you're in a doubly messy situation that you now have to deal with.You really need to leave, for your sake, and your children's. What if he starts verbally abusing them? Heck, them even hearing what is going on is bad for them. They can't leave this bad situation, but you can, and you need to put them first and do what's best for them. Can you stay with any family members or close friends to get you through until you can get back on your feet? I think if you told them what was really going on, they would want to help. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 The sooner you leave, the sooner you can be happy. When my parents were still together, the most upsetting thing to me was how upset my mother always looked. She never looked healthy and hardly ever smiled. That was the most haunting image in my mind, and now that they've separated she does. Your family and friends will be there to help you, and it'll bring your children happiness to know that you are happy as well. This is an abusive relationship and it needs to end. You'll be surprised at the support you get, and you will be thankful in the long run. The scariest thing is leaving in the first place. You feel as though you have no security and you'll be lonely, but it's better to be lonely temporarily and find somebody else who does make you and your children happy, than stay miserable forever and upset your children doing so. I know I'm considerably younger, but if you ever need a chat, just message me and I'll try and help. As soon as you leave, you'll feel much better. My mother was terrified for so long to leave that she stayed, and now she says that the only regret she EVER had was not leaving sooner. Be brave and take that step ;)xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): You should leave him. Either way, your relationship will come to an end with the way things are going now. If he is abusing you and continues on, what do you think your children will think of you?There are plenty of single mothers out there and from what i know, their children are even smarter and more well of than those whose parents do not get along.And no, you are not selfish. You only want what's best for you and your children which i find absolutely fine.
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