A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I had a talk about "love" for the first time this morning. The conversation was very open, non-confrontational, and honest....I said, "So how come you don't feel the "L" word yet?"He said that he does.Then we discussed what that means, to "love" each other. He contends that it's different than being "in love"- he said that for him, "in love" is when he wants to propose and get married (he was married once before), and that we're headed in that direction, but that he's not "in love" with me yet.After I shared my thoughts, I asked him what loving me means to him. He said I make him happy, make him laugh he cares about me, I've shown that I'm a great woman, he feels safe and comfortable with me, etc. I said I wanted to bring it up because I'm invested in him, and I want to be sure he's invested in me too. He asked what I mean by "invested", and I explained, and for the first time I said that "I love you". He said "I love you too"...He asked me can't I tell that he loves me? I replied that yes, your actions show me that you love me, but hearing it verbally is very different than just assuming. We also both admitted that we've been holding back a bit in our relationship for various reasons (my fear of being hurt, his fear of screwing up a serious relationship again, plus he's in school and says he's not ready to provide for a wife, so he's been holding back and will want to get married when he's more settled in a year or two)...I think we're at the stage in our relationship where some clarification/validation/reassurance was necessary for me. He was very receptive to our talk, and I feel good that I got it all off my chest.But now I wonder... is this typical? Is there really a difference between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you"? To me, there's not really a difference, because I only say "I love you" when I believe I am "in love" with the person... I did receive some clarification from our talk, but now I'm a little confused and second-guessing his response.... Maybe I'm just asking too much for him to be head over heels "in love" with me after only about 7 months?? What do you think? Is there hope for us? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sexfiendedmilf +, writes (16 April 2012):
In my opinion there is a difference. Here's how I compare the two. Loving someone is like loving family and friends you care about their life and everything about them. You love them. Being in love means more. Its everything else in a relationship the putting their thoughts above everyone elses. Its the deeper love. Being married is a part of that. Sounds to me like he loves you and wants to be in love but is trying to protect his heart from another bad situation. There is hope and your not asking too much but hes taking it slow because he's been burned before. Just stick in the relationship and know he does love you but it'll take him some time to come around. Stay honest and true and keep with it. He will come around and when he does I'm sure it will be more than worth it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): That's a tough one OP because to me being "in love" is being head over heels and just loving someone is not the same. Not being "in love" means he loves you like a friend but likes having you as a girlfriend.
"I asked him what loving me means to him. He said I make him happy, make him laugh he cares about me, I've shown that I'm a great woman, he feels safe and comfortable with me, etc." That's all friendship talk OP isn't it? There's no hint of romantic love in what he said at all. He basically told you he loves you because you're "safe" but he's not in love with you. Do you know what I mean? There is nothing what he said that says you're any more special than any of his other friends. Loving someone and being "in love" are very different, being in love is a lot more passionate in a romantic sense. I love my best friend in the exact same way he said he loves you but what makes my girlfriend different is that my love for her is far more passionate, her beauty blows me away and a soft word in my ear from her can melt my heart. I yearn for her deeply. I miss her badly when she's away, I mean even though we live together I still look forward to spending time with her in the evenings.
If my girlfriend asked me today what me loving her meant I would say that it meant I can't imagine a life without her love, I can't stop thinking about her and just want to hold her, kiss her and be close to her, she makes me horny, weak at knees and even just thinking about her creates very strong feelings in me. When I see something profoundly beautiful like an amazing sunset, or standing on a hill with an awesome view, it makes me think of her. The thought of her expression when I say something that makes her really happy to the point where her eyes well-up, well there really is no better feeling in the world. The list goes on OP and I'm with my girlfriend 7 years now. Basically my love for her is passionate OP because I'm "in love" with her. She makes me laugh, is safe and comfortable too but she's so much more than that to me and my feelings for her are very strong to the point they used to overwhelm me. I mean I still wake up some mornings, see her sleeping and think "my god what an amazing woman, how have I been so lucky" and even though I've seen her naked a million times I sometimes lift up the covers and have quick peek. Those moments alone make my day.
Look OP don't only take my word for it, maybe your boyfriend isn't good at expressing himself emotionally but in my experience 7 months is a long time to not yet have that burning fire of passionate desire. I would worry if I was in your position because I've never known someone to take that long to fall "in love", the times I've only loved girls or just be loved by them after such a long time it was never really the same. In my opinion if he's not "in love" with you now after 7 months of being with you and knowing you then I can't see how that is going to happen. It's never taken me that long to fall in love and even when I was trying to hold back falling in love is not something you can ever stop no matter how hard you try to protect yourself or stop yourself from feeling that way. That said though OP please don't only take my word for it, we're all different and just because I feel 7 months is a long time maybe the other aunts and uncles have experiences where it took a long time for that love to develop.
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