A
female
age
41-50,
*akeMeAsIAm
writes:I will try my best to cut a long story short. My current love interest, the father of my near 1yr old is still in love with his ex girlfriend and has said on a few occasions that he can't move on until she gets pregnant or gets married.Just a little history. I met him 1month after he and his ex started fighting about having a child. She wanted to have one and he wasn't ready so he started to stray. This is when we met, when I started a new job, he was my coworker. I was never attracted to him at first but as time passed and we spent more time together, we really clicked and then the unfortunate happened, we became intimate and broke the morals that were instilled in us. He was still in a relationship and I knew this and I will always regret it because it's wrong, married or not, fighting or not, happy or not, it was wrong of me. I have always admitted this and I have dealt with this regret and have asked for forgiveness for causing someone else's pain. With this said, we continued an up and down relationship because we didn't know how to let go. But then I found out I was pregnant, just when I was level headed enough to do the right thing and let go. Ofcourse this was the beginning of a lifetime thriller movie. He never once asked me to 'take care' of the situation, however, he started to withdraw. By now, he had broken up with his ex, but he couldn't seem to get past this pain that he had caused. The pain that she will have finding out that he got someone else pregnant and that he actually allowed a pregnancy when that was all she ever wanted from him. He has told me and continues to tell me that he knows I was the one for him and we would have been happy if things started off normal. i agree, but where do we go now.He cheated on me during my 3rd month of pregnancy, the day he told her i was pregnant and then called me and told me that she was also pregnant - it was a lie which I found out the next day. He said it because she told him maybe then I would leave him alone.I know that we have brought this pain upon ourselves, but if anyone has ever done something wrong and truly felt regret and have asked for forgiveness, there comes a time when the karma ends.I just haven't seen the end to mine as yet.We have been trying at this relationship, however he still loves her. Sometimes I am not sure if it is love or guilt. He feels that we can't have a 'normal' relationship until she gets pregnant or gets married. I feel sorry for him too, because I can imagine how he feels but should i continue to sit by and wait for him. We got along great before, I strongly felt like he could be the one, but it really started off the wrong way and I know I punished myself by doing that. But now we have a beautiful child together and I really want us to be a family, but he just can't seem to get over his ex.I strongly believe in forgiveness of self and others will set you free. He believes that he must be tortured and unhappy for the rest of his life even though he always says he knows he will forever regret it if I move on and he loses me.Should I give him the space and time to get over this or is it a lost cause? By the way, we are not in a relationship, because we recently broke it off (again) as I realized he could not claim me as his girlfriend and used to refer to me as "the mother of his son" which led to our usual conversation that he can't offer me the 'normal' relationship which I deserve.I would love to hear what you all think.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 October 2010):
 He's never given you anything you wanted. A proper relationship, his heart...You inserted yourself in this mess when he started cheating on his girlfriend with you, it blew up even bigger because she found out about you and your pregnancy. The thing is she was smart to let him go completely. You need to do the same. Why be with someone who has nothing to offer you other than child support? He simply stated he can't fully be with you until she gets pregnant or married. Even then there's no guarantee that those feelings will dissipate and he'll come running to you with open arms. Who knows how long it will take him to really get over her, there's no telling. But it's not going to be anytime soon. And how much longer are you willing to wait for him to get over it? We could be talking years before she gets married or pregnant.
Stop feeling sorry for him..he doesn't deserve your pity. He brought the cheating and chain of events on himself. You were an accessory, although you did have a part. If you didn't cheat, you wouldn't be the one in this pain now. See what you could have avoided? But shit happens, and you have a child out of it. I hear being a mother is amazing, hopefully I'll get there one day.
Bottom line dear, don't put your life on hold for this guy who needs to get it together..This is the time for your karma to end..Break up with him and work out visitations so he can see his child. Say goodbye to this drama..make it right.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 October 2010):
 He sounds like a mess. Clearly, he is unable to commit to you and has come up with an amazing excuse to avoid doing so. I am sorry that you have a child with him and thus will have him in your life forever, but I would suggest that you close that particular chapter in your life and stop waiting for a guy who has basically told you that you are not his dream girl. He'll just drag you down and destroy your self-esteem.
Sorry. Do right by your child and make sure the baby will be taken care of financially, but treat the father as a lost cause romantically. Best wishes.
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