A
female
age
30-35,
*auraLove
writes:I have been with my Boyfriend for over 2 years now and recently argueing Non stop. Its his birthday today but saturday night i cudnt get hold of him so txt one of his mates ( he is very hard to get hold of especially when hes with his friends and i have to txt his mate alot to ask for him to call me) he ended up calling me and he was getting drunk at a BBQ well anyway we left it and sunday i was goign round it was his first day working at the pub and he had been of with me all day asked why i txt his friends all the time and that they think im a dick! He said none fo there girlfriends do it, but they can always get hold of there boyfriends my boyfriend is extrememly hard to get hold of! I had started to arrange to go home because i just felt sooo unwanted but ended uo staying later in the night he got asked his mum to take me home...wen i spoke to him he said how annoyed he was at me still and he wanted me to go home. I got extrememly upset and still am. I had spent £100 on a golf bag for his bithday ( i only get paid £230 a month and have to pay rent and phone bill to) i also made him a cake and a card of moonpig which i no he will love....i also planned loads of little surprises throughout the day because he said its his 20th and it will be boring. Was goignt to make him breakfast in bed ect...instead in sat in bed sooo upset...worried he is goign to dump me. I just wanted to be there for his birthday. I dont know wat to do. we have had the descussion about how he shud just answer his fone or txt and let me no wat i need to no, but i also need to stop txting his friends so i have deleted all of his friends numbers. Please i need some advice ASAP!!
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 Face it, this guy isn't worth your time. He can't be bothered by anyone. He is constantly ducking plans. What's the appeal? You must like feeling unwanted. Oh well. How he treats you won't change. He's a jerk. If you continue with this relationship, know that this is something you'll have to accept. He WILL NOT change for you and you won't be able to change him.
You can't fix people who don't want to change.
A
female
reader, LauraLove +, writes (23 July 2010):
LauraLove is verified as being by the original poster of the question His phone is usually on silent because either his mother is trying to get get hold of him or he has arranged somethign with another mate and not shown up...he dosnt just treat me like this, he does his family and friends and they all get sick of it but dont do nothing about it. Please understand im not a stalker or weirdo its just the only way to get hold of him....i feel sooo much for him and wen things liek this happen it upsets me and angrys me and i do it without thinking. I dont want to lose him i just dont know wat to do anymore!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 July 2010):
Yes, texting his friends is very "stalker like" behavior. I would also recommend that you do not continue to do this, as it will only drive a wedge further between you.
From where I sit, I wonder why you are wasting your time. It sounds to me like he doesn't appreciate what you're doing for him. He can't be bothered to take your calls or return your texts. He didn't even want you around on his birthday. He doesn't sound like someone worth your time in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): He doesn't care enough and he isn't worth all your effort. You sound sweet and kind and as though you care for him a lot. Sadly, he doesn't seem so bothered.
I'm afraid that you are putting yourself out for nothing. Don't bother. Channel your effort and your money into something else- buy yourself a treat, take your parents out for dinner, something like that. Your bf doesn't care and you need to learn from that.
If he cared he would communicate with you and call/text. He doesn't. This becomes a vicious circle as you are now bothering his friends and seem to be clingy and annoying. You need to stop using his friends to get to him as if you think about it, he could get in touch with you whenver he wanted, but he doesn't. Leave him and move on. Find someone who reciprocates your efforts.
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A
female
reader, boldfacebeauty +, writes (19 July 2010):
He's only 20? That's the thing with guys that age. They want to go out and not be tied down. They want to have fun without the responsibility of whatever relationship the are in. And of course this is a generalization and girls do it too, but it is just what I am thinking.
You shouldn't be texting his friends though. If you try to get a hold of him and can't, something is up. Sweetie, it sounds like he isn't worth it. If he can't be bothered to keep in touch with his girlfriend, then he doesn't deserve a girlfriend who cares so much about him right now. You're letting him control the relationship and your feelings. Don't! Take a stand, and if he walks away then it is his loss. There are wonderful guys out there who would wait by the phone for a call from you, I am sure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): LauraLove, if you have to resort to texting his mates to get ahold of him because he doesn't answer his own phone, it sounds like he doesn't care to respond to you enough until you've become annoying to other people.Here's the deal. His friends are not responsible for him. They are not his secretary service. They are his friends. Stop texting or calling them to get ahold of him. If he doesn't respond to your texts or calls, go out and do something fun for yourself. Have one more talk with him about answering his phone. Figure out what the problem is. Does he just forget to turn it on or turn on the ringer instead of leaving it on silent? That's totally fixable. If he just doesn't want to answer your calls and texts, then it's time to move on because he isn't giving you the time of day. You don't deserved to be ignored until he wants something from you.
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