A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:before he got with me, my boyfriend was considered to be quite the ladies man. he had a number of girlfriends, and had more girls as friends than boys. he would often meet up with his girl mates, even when in relationships, and endlessly flirt with them and be cheeky. he has told me that he cheated before, and that he never used to take his relationships seriously after his first girlfriend broke his heart into pieces. however, when he started seeing me all this appeared to change, and when we became an official couple he would spend all his time with me and i felt secure in our relationship. i had no issue with him being friends with girls (despite he has had some sort of sexual relationship with most of his friends) as he would always reassure me that i was the only girl he wanted and loved and cared about. he even made a point of saying "i dont feel the need to chat to other girls or meet up with them anymore because i have everything i need with you" our sex life was amazing and i had never been so happy.now, 9 months down the line, he constantly texts and emails girls, even picks them up in his car to go for drives, i am never invited along and often he doesnt even tell me untill after its happened. our sex life is dwindling and becoming less and less frequent (although when we do have sex its still mind blowing) and i am feeling less and less sexure.i have tried speaking to him avbout it, but all i get told is not to worry because he loves me and only wants me.however, i cant help how i feel and i am starting to become a jealous girlfriend, which i dont want, i dont want to push him away!! help please?!
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female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Leave this guy. He's not taking your feelings into consideration at all. You've talked to him about it, and he's not considering your point of view. And to take girls for car rides or anywhere and not consider inviting you is rude and is clearly a red flag that he's not treating you right. You can keep going through this with stress and worry about his true character, or you can leave and find someone better.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (1 May 2012):
He’s saying all the right things, that’s for sure. It sounds like you mean the world to him. But many people in this situation, I think, would have an issue with the way he’s behaving. There’s no proof of anything, but there’s a lot to be said for gut feeling. It would be perfectly reasonable for you to say that you’re unhappy that he is so secretive about his meetings with these girls. Of course it’s perfectly acceptable for people to have friends of the opposite sex, but why keep it secret and exclude your partner from it if they’re happy about it?Time to set some ground rules, if he’s nothing to hide, there’s no good reason that he can’t abide by these:1) Tell him that you don’t want to feel jealous and insecure, but to do that he should tell you in advance where he’s going, who’ll be going there with him and why. What good reason is there not to do so?2) You’re his girlfriend. If these ladies are good friends and important people in his life, you should be allowed to meet them and invited along too for these drives or whatever it is he does with them. Tell him you want to meet them and join in with his social circle at least some of the time.3) Agree to spend quality time together, with no phones going off with texts from his other acquaintances.The old saying that “once a cheat, always a cheat” is simply not true. It doesn’t mean he’s cheating now because he’s done it in the past, but if he cannot agree to such reasonable requests as those I’ve outlined above, he doesn’t have any right to complain about you being suspicious. Try it, see how it goes.I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): I think you must have an inclination that he is cheating. What man with a girlfriend goes and picks up girls for "a drive". I think that's just strange, if he was meeting up to spend time with then like catch up for a chat then he would be happy to meet them for coffee or have lunch together but driving around just the two of them? Also if they are such great friends he should be ok to invite you along too, as he would want you to get to know his friends if you are in a long term relationship. His track record isn't great, it sounds like when you met he really did change but I think, from what you have said, he's slipping back into his old ways.
If I were you and my bf did that I would say if he really wants his relationship to work he will meet these "friends" in public places like coffee shops, pub for lunch as they should be no different to him meeting up with his guys. If he has a problem then obviously what they do together can't be done in public and you're best without him.
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