A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend so much and i know that he loves me too with all his heart but my problem is he cant understand me! my feelings(emotional),why i sometimes cry w/out reason,when i say nothing,when I'm in silence..everything! he cant understand what a woman feels in short,we woman have a very subtle feeling,sensitive and very vulnerable and guys miss interpret that that's why it leads to conflicts and whenever i cried in front of him he gets angry,sometimes i explain to him what i feels i told him everything about my emotional aspects but of course i dont want to say it again and again,I want him to understand me already..and he gets angry so easily and he threat me that he will kill his self if I'm going to break up with him,it makes me stress so much,i felt like he didnt think about me that he was so selfish and acting dumb...Im just thinking..will i quit this relationship? will i end everything? we've been together for 6months and we started to know each other more,i love him so much and i cant live without him and he wanted to marry me someday...but even though i love him so much,still i didn't want to be with a man who has no understanding of woman's feelings...what shall I do..?? just need some advice...any advice from you will really help...tnx! :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MeagZ11  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 First of all a guy won't kill himself if you break up with him!! Sure he will be upset but he's not going to kill himself! And you can't be with someone who doesn't understand you! You shouldn't have to hurt yourself to make others happy and from my opinion he's hurting you a lot already and you will be better off without the stress and pain! I know its hard because I was in a relationship exactly like that but I'm much better off now... Please just think about what's best for you!! XoXo (:
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Well well, you are only right ...within limits. Being a woman does not give you unlimited permission to go out of control, be overwhelmed by your emotions, cry at the drop of a hat and transform any discussion between reasonable adults into a major dramatic performance.
You are right, he should respect you and never yell at you... then again, if when you are in a bad mood for your own reasons, rather than say " sorry I feel a bit down today, let's meet up tomorrow " you stick around with a long hostile face and won't say what's wrong... that's passsive agggressive and very disrespectful too.
From what you say, it sounds he's a drama king too- threatening suicide ?... Oh puhleeeeze.
It sounds both you guys need to grow up, sit down and talk , and work out some sort of compromise , like " I won't yell if I don't get things my way and you won't cry if you don't get things your way " Identify the major stress factors in your relationship, negotiate a compromise and mutually acceptable rules of behaviour for each of them, and stick to your pact.
Try, at least. If you see it does not work, ...then you'll have to let him go, love is not enough when personalities are seriosly incompatible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): I don't mean this to sound patronizing, but it sounds like your relationship is full of emotional turmoil. The way that you are interacting is not mutually supportive, but is quite destructive - and is more typical of teenage relationships than adult partnerships. And (to be honest) from what you say, both of you somewhat relish drama and conflict, because you're really inviting it into your lives!! A couple of thoughts:First of all, your boyfriend does need to be sensitive to your feelings. Emotional communication is important in any relationship, and clearly you don't feel that he's making enough effort to understand you. I suggest that you raise this with him, in a very calm and non-accusatory way. Explain how hurt you feel that he doesn't try to comprehend your feelings, and how close you feel to him when he is more sensitive. Ask him what he needs from you to be able to give you what you need!Secondly, communication is key to this issue. Your boyfriend is not a mindreader. To understand another person's complex emotions can be a difficult task with great communication, but it become impossible if there isn't clear, self-aware communication on your part. Are you giving him the explanations he needs to be able to understand you? Or are you simply asking him to make some sense of impossible, contradictory, and bewildering behaviours? Third of all, just because we feel something does not give us a right to express it immediately, without a filter. I feel angry sometimes, but that doesn't give me an automatic right to shout and scream at others, still less to be physically violent. While we all sometimes have moments where we feel emotions that aren't positive, we have a choice about how we act those out in the world. I am not saying that you have to be fake: what I am saying is that you bear some responsibility for communicating the way you feel in a mediated and self-conscious way that is constructive rather than destructive. For instance, if someone hurts you, you are far more likely to get a positive resolution if you approach them gently and say 'I'm really sorry, and I don't think you meant to do it, but that hurt my feelings a bit' than if you act out that hurt by trying to wound them back. You can't control what people do to you, but you CAN control how you react - make sure it's with dignity and grace!
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A
male
reader, jesusrgo  +, writes (30 June 2011):
In my opinion you have to Be with a person who understand yourself all your feelings that you feel, have you tried to speak him? and explain it how do you feel? if he cant understand you..the relationship its not working so you just have to think twice and take a decition whats the best for you!!!
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