A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and we live together. Just recently he had his e-mail open on my laptop and I found that he had pictures of his ex-girlfriend (who was horrible to him and cheated on him, who he also won't even name by her first name, mostly by insult) on there. I panicked when I saw them, and went to check the date to see if they had been in there for a couple of years and hoping he had just forgotten about them, but they were sent from one of his old e-mail addresses to this current one just a couple of months ago. I was really worried by that point, so I texted him while he was at work and told him what I had found, he told me he would explain when he came home and told me not to worry. I waited until he came home and he had flowers, and was extremely apologetic. I asked him why they were there and he told me he didn't think about what he was doing when he sent them to his e-mail address. He told me he was cleaning out his old e-mail address so he could use it again instead of the one he had sent the pictures to. He had deleted many things, but still had the mind to send these ones over for keepsakes (so it seems to me), but he assured me over and over that that was not the case, that he loved me and couldn't be without me, and that he had no idea when he even sent them over. Also, I forgot to say that the reason they upset me is because they are pictures of only her, not group pictures or anything. He told me he would do everything he could to prove to me that he loves me, and that he deleted them. Am I worrying too much about this? It's just difficult because we had to pull teeth to get her out of his life (she was pretty much stalking him in the beginning of our relationship), and after three years and finally living together it's like an ugly ghost turning up. Help?
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female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 I know exactly how you feel love, I went through the same thing. :( It's horrid once you start thinking these things. I was the most paranoid person ever. You never truly lose the paranoia, it just gets easier honey. He hasn't cheated, he loves you not her. You have to think, if he wanted her he would go and get her. Just let it lie, and see what happens. :) Enjoy your relationship and live every day like it's your last. You never know what could happen tomorrow. xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've taken to believing that answer as well, except I feel a tinge of distrust every so often, and that's what gets to me. Most of me believes him, but the part of me that is still question is the part that wants to know why he even put them there. Consciously he put them there, he knew what they were. Just him saying "I didn't think about what I was doing", that's hard for me to believe.
But I do love him, and am going to let it dissipate for now, nobody is perfect.
Thank you for responding :), if you have any other input please let me know.
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury +, writes (14 July 2012):
You have to remember honey, she's an ex for a reason. And if he says he's over her then trust him. You have to trust him otherwise the paranoia will send you insane. Don't worry unless he's in contact with her. He's with you not her. Life is too short to be like this. Just go with the flow. He's been with you for ages now, and the fact he's fighting to stay with you says it all. Not many guys would. Most guys would turn it on you and have a row and leave. He's a keeper by the sounds of it. Give him a chance. If you find stuff in the future then you can leave him and never look back. But what is being paranoid going to achieve? I know it's hard I went through the same thing with my partner and it made me go crazy. I'd be forever checking his phone and not letting him go out etc. But one day a light came on in my mind and I thought, what is this going to achieve ?I accuse him for the rest of our relationship and push him away? How does that help anyone? xx
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