A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and 3 days before i gave birth to our now 2 month old son the 'other woman' knocked my door and i found out he was having a on and off again relationship with her for 6 years! Even though she found out about me being pregnant 3 months before i was due they clearly still hooked up as a month ago i found out that she is pregnant with his baby but doesn't know if she is keeping it. He has been really remorseful and cant say sorry enough. He is an excellent father and i do still really love him, but i dont think i can be with him if he has this child with her. I really want to give my son the full family unit that me and my now ex always talked about. He says its me he wants and he is willing to go couples therapy to make this work. I am extremely hurt and dont know if i can move on from this. What should i do?
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female
reader, cmarieky  +, writes (4 June 2012):
The update wasn't important. All the aunts and uncles still unanimously agree that u should move on without this guy in ur life. As far as the pregnant girl and whether she should keep her innocent child is her decision and a good one. If she the pregnant lady is causing distress for u then that's all the more reason y u should stay away from ur x. All he needs to do is support his child and that should be the extent of ur relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): Thank you everyone for your honest opinions. I probably should have given more details as to what exactly has gone on to give you guys a full picture. But basically he had told the other woman that he was expecting a baby and she found out my details and came to my house (where I currently live with my mum and was due to pop) at 3 in the morning threatening to hurt me. I never answered the door, but me and my mum saw outside my then partner arguing with her to leave. My partner said she was his ex and she was jealous that he had moved on and that I was having his child. I thought why would an ex girlfriend behave this way so I ended it with him. The very next day he told me that they had been having sex on and off and that he was sorry. The day after she knocked my door to say she was with him for 6 years. He was close with my family as was I with his, so we all were shocked at how he could have maintained a relationship when we were together everyday without fail! She had been stalking my house, called the police to my house on his car when he was visiting his child and non stop calling my phone! I agreed to talk to her so my boyfriend gave me her number. When we spoke she seems to think that she should be in my sons life and was saying she was with my ex all day every day and that I was probably with him for 2 weeks??!! People had told me that she may lie but I thought we could relate and get some closure. Well I was wrong, she lied black and blue and seemed unreasonable towards me and not him. She had said that she was with him all day the previous when he was with me, my son and my mum all day. So it was clear she wants to hurt me.I have seen texts and over heard phone calls from her to my ex stating she has a boyfriend and how she don't want us to be together. Regardless of the situation I know he has cheated at the very least a sexual relationship. I have checked myself out for STI's and I'm all clear. His mum says whether they are together or not she is always about coming to the house causing arguments, keying cars, threatening to hurt herself etc. It's always problems and she doesn't seem to be going anywhere which is His fault too! Now she's pregnant that is just more problems if she keeps. I have threatened to get an injunction on her if she continues. Thankfully I do have my family, his family and friends support through this all. It's just a big mess!!
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (2 June 2012):
kick him out, he only confessed after she already told you which means if she did not show up on your door you would still be in the dark. what kind of basis for a relationship is that? Im really sorry about what as happened to you, it must be any girls worst nightmare in a relationship. I also hope you have family and good friends to help you and give you support, this would be a difficult enough time in your life without all this crap from your (ex?) boyfriend. good luck and I hope you find it in your heart to move on with your baby eventually, as this guy sure doesnt deserve you both. x.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (2 June 2012):
 Of course you're hurt - what an awful situation. Listen, you can move on from this. You have to make the decision yourself whether you want to move on with him or without him, though. I think that you will be absolutely fine on your own, and yes that will mean that you're not the perfect family unit but plenty of young mums go it alone and not only do a fantastic job of parenting but go on with their lives and meet partners who are better than the ones they left behind...And anyway, would it be the perfect family unit with this man who you can't trust? I can't say that you should try to make it work with this guy because how on earth can you trust him? He might say he's sorry but does that mean he won't do it again, with either his ex or with someone else (remember, he was cheating on both of you). The other thing is, sorry to bring this up, but you should consider getting tested for STIs. Horrible thing to have to consider but you must do it. All the best. Stay strong x
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 June 2012):
 You have a "boyfriend" whose penis is OUT OF CONTROL... and YOU, dear lady, are NOT going to place any controls on it... I GUARANTEE IT!!!!!
Best solution: Get away from this creep and make a better life for yourself, WITHOUT HIM IN IT!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (1 June 2012):
I totally concur with aunt honesty. This guy is not sorry, he's sorry he got caught. If this was a 1night deal that he felt horrible about n never did it again n told u, this would be a completely different story. The other women's baby has nothing to do with this. He used her. He used you. Now u both have/will have kids by him. He isn't a perfect father, at least not yet. Bc its only been 2mos. Trying waiting until the child is 18 and say he was a perfect father, now is way too soon. N don't be so naive in thinking he won't try this again with u once the tension die down. He will wait til he's back in ur good grace then betray u.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (1 June 2012):
 If it was me I would kick him out and never forgive him for this, he is sorry? No sweetie he is not sorry, he is only sorry that he got caught, he does not love you, if he did he would not have been with this other woman, in fact he was with her longer than you, so you are in fact the other woman. I hope she decides not to get rid of her baby because it is an innocent child she is carrying and I hope he stands up to his responsibilities and supports this poor innocent baby. You and this other woman are the innocent parties in this as well. I honestly do not know how you would ever be able to trust him again. Yes at the moment he is filling your head with sweet talk about how it is you he loves and how sorry he is but it is only words. Off course it is your choice if you want to take him back but if it was me I would be throwing him out and getting on with my own life.
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