A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been in relationship for the past 3 and 1/2 years now (it's long distance: I don't know how we've made it work, but we did). And we both love each other very much! Last year my BF lost his job and as a result he has started asking and depending on me for money. I have never been the kind of woman to take care or "fend" for a man in any relationship, we don't live together due to that. I believe that if you don't work, you don't eat-period. But however concerning my BF, I have shy'd away from that notion, and have now found myself in a hot mess. I do try to help him , because I care for him and don't want to see him struggle. But I'm now starting to think that he's taking my giving to him overboard and being totally inconsiderate of my needs. When we first met 3 years ago I was very financially stable, worked 2 wonderful high paying, traveling jobs, owned a house, 2 vehicles. I had a very "well endowed" savings and checking account and I wasn't experiencing any financial burdens, up until last year. Times have changed and I lost my house due to a hurricane, and had to move,lost a job and a whole bunch of other things have happened since then that has put me in a very hard financial place. I now have to care for myself, my 4 year old niece, my grandmother(bless her heart) and all the other things that life brings: like bills, car notes, etc! My boyfriend knows this, yet he still asks me constantly for money, all the time, huge and small amounts and when I don't have it to give to him he gets so upset, says that I'm against him, I call he hangs up in my face, I don't hear from or see him for days. I have asked him to be understanding and more considerate to my financial situation, I remind him that it isn't how it was when we first met, time changes things, life happens for good and in my case "BAD", I have had so many unfortunate things to happen over the past 3 years, but he doesn't get it. He has become very self centered!I had recently been in the hospital to have a surgery, from a Tuesday to a Sunday. Unfortunately he wasn't able to there with me (he was out of town) but the entire time I was in there he called me and his questions have been: when do you get paid?, can you give me some money? can you get someone else to send it to me? And I just don't what to think now, I'm in a hospital bed in pain, fighting for my health to get right and all he can do is ask for money! He even called me an hour after my surgery to tell me how bad his day was...WTF!I believe I've reached my limit, but I don't want to move hastily. I love and care for this man with my whole heart, 3 years is a significant amount of time together and I'm trying to help him until he gets back on his feet, but I can't give to him and have nothing left to take care of my own responsibilities. I just need advice on what I should do. Should I find a way to cope with his actions or let him go? Please help me!!!!!
View related questions:
grandmother, long distance, lost his job, money, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice...it's greatly appreciated! You're right I can do better. I don't want to be an "ATM with benefits" :) Thanx!
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (19 July 2009):
The problem here appears to be that YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE A HASTY MOVE. Good God- what's it going to take? This buy has become dependant on you, your nothing more than an ATM with benifits.
This is NOT a relationship - in relationships there is mutual respect, caring, love, trust, sharing of responsibilities and concern. This guy is a self-centered user. GET OUT and get out quick.
If you're worried that 3 years is alot of time "invested" let that go... that like buying stock at $50, and at $25 not wanting to sell, even though it's clear the company is going under... and riding it all the way down to $0.25.
Dump this guy - he's abusive, he's a user... you can do better, WE ALL CAN DO BETTER... please... love yourself enough to do this. Life will get alot better, but not with people like this sucking the life out of you.
...............................
|
