A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi please help my boyfriend decided to end our relationship of 5 years just before Christmas. He has got annoyed because I have tried calling him, speaking to him and texting him. I know this is making things worse but I cannot cope, though I know I need to try. I am hardly eating since it happened and sleep is terrible. The way he has just cut me off like this is the problem. I am the kind of person who really needs to talk things out. Ultimately I want to get back with him. He said he deep down would hope we could but he is not sure he could believe in 'us' any more and does not know how we can recover things after all this. I hate myself for keep leaving him messages but does anyone know my best approach for attempting a reconciliation. Neither of us has cheated or has anyone else. We have spent long periods of time apart and this has taken its toll. I think he is scared he will spend another year with uncertainty like the last one. However I have made plans otherwise to be with him but he does not believe me. We had previously discussed marriage, children even looked at houses. I want to prove myself but he now wont let me. I am so frustrated and feel there is no point. Everything I have done to get this far is now in vain. He admits that he still loves me and has very strong feelings for me but he feels it is 'best' to move on and he has turned ice cold. What should I do next ? It is making me ill and I have very little support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): The best way to get a man back is stop exactly what you're doing! Don't call him and text him all the time, it's pushing him further away and that isn't what he wants. I know how hard it is I have been there, but the best thing you can do is stop contacting him. I was in this situation with the love of my life, we broke up and although I wanted to contact him, I didn't, I respected his wishes and stopped contact with him. I spent time with my friends, took up new hobbies and started focusing on myself. After 2 months he contacted me asking how I was, I replied that I was doing fine and all the new things I had been doing. We started talking and spending time together again as friends, then he told me that he wanted to give us another try, I was strong and told him that I was willing to give it another try as long as he understood that if there was a problem he would have to work with me to resolve it, because if we broke up again, it would be final next time. It was hard but I had to do it, and now we have been together for over a year and happier than we ever had been. He also told me once we were together that one of the main reason's he couldn't give up on me was because I had given him the space to figure things out and respected his decision to break up, that I didn't continuously call him and text him trying to fix it. Try as hard as you can to not contact him, don't call, don't text him, before you end up pushing him away for good. If he does come back then take it from there, if not then you will know that you have to move on, but for now ease off and occupy your time with other things you enjoy.
A
female
reader, SavannahDawn  +, writes (31 December 2011):
Hey you, my heart really goes out to you as I am kind of in the same situation. I can really say no contact is the best rule, especially if you've let him know how you feel. He will feel smothered if you keep speaking to him like this. I understand how hard it is to be put off by someone you love dearly but we have to take care of ourselves ultimately. He won't want to get back together if you're a mess, believe me! I am trying to just force myself to do things even though I miss him so much I have to live life anyway. If it was meant to be he will find me and let me know but I am not chasing any man, and if you have tried your darndest you should not feel the need to chase this one either.
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