A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and a few days. Before we went out I had just gotten out of a nasty relationship about 1 1/2 months before, maybe a bit longer. He used to text me every night 'I love you sweet dreams!" and cute poems in french...now I'm lucky if get a 'goodnight' or even a text letting me know he got home safely. We were crazy about one another!! I gave up a lot for him....drinking, smoking, parties...whatever. I loved him that much. By no means did I suffocate him, i'm a great gf. I let him hang out with his buddies whenever, he didn't have to check in with me where he was, he could talk and have as many other girls -for-friends as he wanted! We did things he liked to do, I never made him buy me ANYTHING! We either went dutch or took turns, and if he was paying i usually stuck with something cheap. He never wants to hold my hand or kiss in public anymore, but he gets mad if we can't have sex because I work early in the mornings and can't be at his house until 3 am then go home. He doesn't tell me he loves me over the phone anymore. He says all I do is start fights when I try and bring something up like pointing out the right road to take home or whatever. I'm so confused..a few months ago he wouldn't have ever done this to me. I know he's gone through some personnel stress but that's all resolved! I've done everything in my power to try and help in school, work, whatever. Could he be cheating on me? The other day he asks, while i'm out buying ingredients for dinner (cooking together is our thing and he promised me we could do it that night) if his best friends girlfriend (his best friend was out of town) could come over and play video games, then he'd come over and help me finish up cooking..."She's really lonely! We both really miss ____" I said yes! Why did I say yes? I don't know! Oh yeah he had a sex dream about her too! so he's 4 hours late for dinner...which I finished for him, alone. On our 1 year date he let me pick out the restaurant and all he did was text his friends under the table and bitch about the foodHe doesn't even care if I got home safely from the train...no texts of 'Did you make it in ok?'..I feel like it's not even the same guy! He's a complete stranger.i'm asking what happened? Why so suddenly? Is he having an affair?
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male
reader, gregory6  +, writes (28 July 2010):
This man is using you and has an agenda. If he is that keen on sex but withholding affection in public this is a big red flag. He is exploiting you for sex only and then distancing himself.
His initial overtures and charm were just a front to get you interested. Now he's hooked you, he is showing his real side.
Dump him and don't let him back in. He will do the same thing over again if you do.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 July 2010):
 I think there is something going on. Is he cheating I don't know but he seems awfully distant.
I would sit him down and talk to him.
Also, I would stop bending over backwards for your man. Be who you are, do what you like, say what you think.
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A
female
reader, 1989BABY +, writes (15 July 2010):
 You guys most likely grew apart it happens, to the best and worst of us. I gave my ex my heart and pretty much my life and like you we were pretty much lovey dovey and about 3 years later he realized he would rather be single than to date me. Later on he said he didnt want a girlfriend because he wanted to date others. which was fine.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 First of all I wouldn't worry about the sex dream. The fact that he told you about it means it's straight up. If something was really going on that would have been hidden from you.
It's hard to say that he's cheating on you, from the info you've given I would lean more towards no he's not cheating but something is definately going on. When I was about 15 I was with a guy who I loved so much and the same sort of situation developed where he stopped calling and seemed distant. This went on for a couple of months and then he dropped me. Maybe your guy is building up to a breakup? I think you should talk to him about this. Pick a relaxed moment and gently ask if he wants the relationship to continue as you've noticed he seems distant at the moment. The key here is not to get angry and shout. Try to be calm and relaxed about it all.
Good luck to you I hope this all works out for you and remember if it goes wrong and you split up there WILL be someone else who will love you and you will go into that relationship stronger because you have learn't valuable lessons from this one.
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