A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey aunts and uncles, I'm looking for some advice about an awkward situation at work. There's a new guy, X who recently (approx 3 months) started working at the same place as me. He's 22 and acts very loud and confident but seems to be insecure and needy underneath, constantly wanting somebody's attention. I find him a difficult person to be around because of this.About 3-4 weeks ago he took me to one side to confess that he had feelings for me, I wasn't the least bit surprised as he isn't the most subtle person and most of the other staff had already commented on it. I tried to be polite and said "sorry X, but I don't feel the same." He seemed to be alright, there was no awkwardness and all was well for a while. However, in the last 2 weeks X has started coming in on his days off to see me, he won't leave me alone when we're working, constantly coming up to me and giving me hugs maybe 10 times a day. I push him away and he doesn't take the hint. He addresses me as "gorgeous" instead of by my name and generally distracts me and demands my attention whilst I'm trying to work. I'm not sure how to handle the situation, what can I do to get this to stop? I thought about asking our supervisor to have a word with him, I don't want to get him into bother but this is too much.What do you think is the best thing to do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Time to start documenting and get the supervisor involved. First, arrange a meeting or use the next encounter you have with him. State, very clearly, "X, I am trying to conduct my professional life here and these advances and comments from you are unwanted and unwelcome. Let me be very clear, I don't want or welcome your comments or physical contact with you. I am asking you right now to stop this unwanted and unwelcome behavior toward me, in front of witnesses. You are making me uncomfortable and unhappy and I want this to stop."
Be very clear, don't feel badly for him, you are merely firmly and clearly and completely stating your feelings and wishes in a way that cannot be misconstrued or misunderstood.
Tell your supervisor that you have grown uncomfortable with this individual's unwanted and unwelcome advances and have spoken to him about it. You just want the supervisor to be aware of the situation so that further action, if needed, won't be a surprise to the supervisor. You have taken steps to stop the unwanted and unwelcome comments and behavior.
Stop 'hinting' and be very clear, firm and direct. It's a good thing to be able to do. Might as well get the practice now. Okay? Good luck!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2012):
 I agree you need to tell X that you are uncomfortable with his behavior and that if he persists in doing these things (and list out the SPECIFIC things you do not wish him to do) that you will be FORCED (by his behavior) to go to management and have it addressed FORMALLY (i.e. you will lose your job-- or at minimum get a warning in your personnel folder)
then tell him something to the effect of:
a. do not TOUCH me (this is harassment btw)
b. do not address me as anything other than my name
c. please refrain from NON-work related conversations (necessary to set a clear boundary for this young man)
or whatever you think needs to be said.
ONE warning should suffice... if he persists then you must follow through with the supervisor/manager.
good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 March 2012):
 I would tell him off one time more and make sure you tell him if he doesn't quit it, you will go talk to the supervisor.
I'm sure he is trying to impress you and show you just WHAT you are missing out on.. Like a 5 year old.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): You must tell him again, firmly, that you are absolutely not interested in him. Do this in front of a witness at work. Also tell him if he persists with his behaviour you will report him to his line manager. If he continues with the his behaviour you must be willing to follow through and report him to his/your line manager immediately. I think, in all honesty, you've let this go on too long. Were you perhaps flattered at first by the attention? Are you absolutely sure you haven't been giving him mixed messages? If you are sure you have done NOTHING to encourage him, then you must pursue an official resolution otherwise you will never be rid of him.
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