A
female
age
,
*ev
writes:My husband and I shop at one of how supermarkets and I've just found out that he is attracted to a girl who works there an she is to him we've had a massive row if i had not clicked on it would have gone further i just cant 4get that he was willing to risk how 18 yrs of marriage 4 her he actually admited 2 me he found her attractive n fancied her i,m getting so angry all the time he said that we wont go in the shop again so we have to go else where now. He's 43, I am older than him but the fact that it's happened and if I hadn't have seen it, it would have gone further. Why would he do this to me? Our sex life is good I know we have money problems but who doesn't, I just cant seem to get my head and heart forward to deal with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Did your husband actually tell you that it would have gone further if you hadn't found out? Even if the woman found your husband attractive, would she have let things develop?
I have a choice of hardware and DIY stores to go to, but I always use the one where Jane works behind the counter. She's gorgeous and I fancy her like mad. I imagine how she might look naked and wonder whether her bum is as soft and squidgy as it looks. Not only is she very attractive, she's also friendly and always has time for a chat and you never see her without a smile on her face. She enjoys a good laugh and a joke too. She's good for business. That's probably why they employ her. The customers, especially me, would rather go to that store than any other. She brightens up a dull day.
But that's where it ends. It's what separates the humans from the monkeys. Knowing right from wrong and applying a little restraint and self-control. My partner knows all about Jane but is also safe in the knowledge that Jane isn't about to drag me away from her.
Perhaps your husband is like me. If he is, you've nothing to worry about. It takes two to tango, and maybe his 'Jane' isn't a dancer.
A
female
reader, hev +, writes (18 March 2008):
hev is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe was just going out of his way to be near her find any excuse to get me away from where he was so he could talk n laugh n joke but the u could see the electric in the air with them n he was getting to b very distant sex would be sat n sun if i was lucky n he just didnt bother if i made amove on him it was no as he was tired when i ask why this was happening he said it was money problems with us but i no in my heart ithe way things were with him n her that sooner rather than later he would have been making excuses to go out n meet with her all the signs were there now i dont no if i can really trust him i want to but when he,s not with me i get so angry just thinking that he actully wanted her n willing to risk it all
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Hi, you sound very upset and angry, sorry to hear that. You might need to try to relax a bit and think a little more calmly about this if you want to work things out in a constructive way.
You didn't say exactly how he was communicating with this girl. Was he phoning her up, meeting with her? Or does he just talk to her in the shop? This important to know for us to try to provide our input to you.
I think almost everyone, even in a happy marriage, occasionally finds other people attractive and thinks about them. The question is what you then choose to do. If you just have a chat when you encounter them, not meaning to take it any further, then you're not really endangering your relationship. If you're starting to call them up, meet or go out with them, go out of your way to see the other person, then you're starting down the path of being unfaithful.
I know my husband sometimes thinks about other women, because he tells me when he thinks someone is attractive; but then he lets me know that he's chosen me, and would never act on any attraction to another woman. He doesn't have to say that, but he lets me know in subtle ways. I do have to admit, I get a bit jealous when I think the woman is really attractive, and I'm not as beautiful as she is. But then I snap out of it and just appreciate him for being the honest, trustworthy, caring guy that he is! He picked ME, and I have a lot to offer!
Your husband has admitted the attraction to this girl to you, that seems like a good thing. The real question is what he's been up to besides an occasional conversation, if anything. That's what's critical here; his behavior and what he's planning to do.
I don't know if this will help you; you might find it helps to give some more details about what he's been up to, so that we could help you deal with it better.
All the best.
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