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female
,
anonymous
writes: I really need some help. I have been friends with this woman for over 20 years. We hadn't spent much time together in recent years, but started hanging out again recently.My problem is that I am extremely attracted to her live-in boyfriend. I am married and don't want to feel this way.One night we were all drinking and he told me that he was very attracted to me and we kissed. I am disgusted with myself, but find myself thinking about him all the time. I told my husband that I was attracted to this man, hoping that it would take some of the secrecy away and allow me to move beyond this, but it hasn't. My husband is a wonderful man and my friend is a fantastic person. I don't want to hurt anyone and don't want to become involved with this person any more than I already have been, but I am having a very difficult time controlling my feelings. Can anyone give me some words of wisdom on this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (7 March 2006):
 Well done for confessing to your husband it shows you have respect and do care for him, even if you have shared a kiss with someone.Jacquie is spot on. Its ok to be attracted to other people, however when you're already in a loving relationship, this attraction ususally passes almost as quick as it started an is harmless. Unfortunatly this is not the case. The reason your attraction could be so strong is probably just like Jacquie says: underlying problems in your relationship. You think this man can give you something your husband can't.. What is that? I think you need to stop spending time with this man and you're friend. The more you see him the less chance you have of moving on from him. Maybe you only want him because he is forbidden fruit. This always seems attractive but beleive me when you've got it you could feel nothing but regret.Take a good look at your relationship with your husband.. how do you feel about it? Maybe when you've looked into your relationship and had a go at improving it you will be happy with your husband again and look back at this and giggle. Sometimes relationships and staying faithful, takes work. You have to be willing to put this work in.
A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (7 March 2006):
 Hi there Anon.. First of all congratulate yourself for admitting to your husband that you were attracted to this other man.. Shows real guts pet..
Im glad that you wanted to take some of the secrecy away and in doing so it shows you have a kind of sturdy realationship with your husband..
But im not so sure about the kissing bit you had with this other man..
Alcohol is the number one "person inside" meaning that when someone has had a good drink in them in social circles it tends to speak out for the person taking it.. Its the non insecure part of the individual and it comes into practice when someone is under the influence of alcohol.. If you have ever been to clubs or the likes you will see what i mean..
Alcohol shows the person who never comes out.. The daring side of the individual.. And i think that in your case you are showing the more confident person rather than the insecure person.. Everyone gets insecurities but yours could leave you with alot of pain and hurt if not seen to..
Have you asked yourself why you are "extremely" attracted to this other man?
Is it because you have problems in your marriage yourself?
Are you jealous of your friend? You did say you started "hanging out again recently"..
Attractions are normal and cannot be helped..So please do not be hard on yourself..
Beleive it or not..Some people go through life with just the one person, some with 2 failed marriages, some with more than 2, some with none...
All im trying to say is dont feel bad for being attracted to someone else...Youre only human and it happens..
I think you should talk to a Guidance Counsellor your GP can help with that..
You could have some underlying problem that needs to be addressed..
In the meantime stay clear of this man and concentrate on your marriage and your husband...he maybe needs you more than you know..
Good Luck
Jacqueline
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