A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with a long distance boyfriend I had for 1 1/2 years about one month ago. The distance wasn't going to change and I was going through a difficult emotional time where I needed him to if not physically be there for me, emotionally be there for me and I felt he could not or did not want to. Even with that said he was my go-to person and was the closest person to me in my life. He let me in to his circle of friends which have since reclosed the circle, something I really hadn't anticipated and left me very isolated. Still, as they are in my mind have become manageable. I have tried to be respectful and not bug him too much even though he understood and in my mind I left a person I loved and didn't want to leave but didn't really have a choice in. He has said that we can be friends eventually but what does eventually mean? I don't think he said it as an empty promise as he is friends with his ex. Do I just see if he reaches out to me?
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broke up, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 September 2017):
 Are you able to handle just being friends with him? Won't old feelings come back? I mean it has only been a month so am guessing there is still feelings attached to him. I don't think you should contact him as you broke up with him. I don't think you should wait around for him either as it might just be an empty promise. The best thing you can do for yourself now, is go out meet new friends and enjoy your life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2017): I wish I had the answer. My ex and I split up 9 years ago and she still cant hold a conversation with me. I miss talking to her, she was my best friend while we were together
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (5 September 2017):
He has said that we can be friends eventually but what does eventually mean? OP, many couples that break up says that in order not to hurt the other persons feelings. It's like saying "You can't have the entire cake, but here, take this cookie". Some kids eat the cookie and feel fine and full for years. But generally, those kind of "cookie friendships" are neither friendships nor cookies. Do I just see if he reaches out to me?Yes, you have no choice, but, I suggest that you move on and consider that "friendship" as a fake friendship. Don't pressure him, or you will be driving him away and seem too clingy. The best thing you can do right know, that increases your chances of having that friendship you want, is not contacting him for a while. Let him take the initiative and make the first move, and when that happens, reward him with your sincere friendship. Just don't expect him to be your sincere friend, because he could be (ego) hurt .Best luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): You broke up with him. A year and a half is a long time so you can't expect feelings to have dispersed to a point of being friends in a month.
What you are feeling isn't a desire to be friends. It's a desire to have a 'hit' from the ex, to ease the pain of the break up at this stage. The fact you continue to contact him ('I try not to bother him too much) shows this need.
You need to heal from this break up. You ended it. I know what you mean about having to end something not because you want to but because you have to, and what you have to do now OP is leave him be.
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