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female
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*ts a mom
writes: At what age do parents let go? I have an 18 year old daughter (just turned 18). She isn't making the best decisions about drinking (underage) and who she dates. Is it wrong for me to still check up on her and tell her she has to call home? At age 18, she is of legal age for most things (not drinking).I know, adults need to live their own life and parents need to back off. But, at what age does this happen? Or is it when the kid moves out and supports themself? Thanks for all and any comments. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Abacadaba  +, writes (4 October 2006):
 Hey, im 16, my mum is fairly leanient, she lets me go out and drink, go to partys etc, but she does keep track of what im doing and makes sure im not doing anything silly/dangerous, i would say at 18 you should let your daughter enjoy herself, in moderation, as long as she isnt coming home being sick everywhere, but i would make sure you always know where she is, what shes doing and who shes with. you have every right to keep your eye on her, i mean, shes your daughter, and if you dont want her coming home drunk out her face then tell her that, but i would give her a little leway and allow her to enjoy herself, i mean, what 18 year old doesnt wanna go out and drink? as long as shes doing it in a safe environment and with people she can trust, i dont see why there should be a problem. Good luck
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female
reader, all ears +, writes (4 October 2006):
Dear mother
As a mother myself I can fully understand where your coming from, but we'er parents we never let them go. Your always going to want to make things right for them, but sometimes you need to give just enough rope to hang themselves, as the saying goes, for them to realise that it doesn't matter how old they get they will always need there mum. All I can suggest is that you wait for her to come to you, but remember it's your house and your rules make sure you stick to them. Sure rules are meant to be broken as far as kids are concerned, but your rules your chose.
Good luck
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 October 2006):
 If she is still living under your roof you have every right to set the rules and expect her to obey them. As the mother of 3 adult children I can tell you it's difficult but if she respects you as a parent she'll obey your wishes. Just remember to only address the BIG issues (like bad drinking behavior) and not to deal with the small stuff let her have power over those. As for letting go it doesn't really ever happen just kinda changes. My daughters are now parents and they call me everyday about something. Seems I've gotten a ton wiser the last few years :) Anyway hang in there and good luck.
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