A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:During my relationship with Derek, he was the perfect boyfriend. But I had always had this suspicion that there was something going on between him and my best friend, Alice. Given, Alice is very 'friendly' with the boys, so I tried not to take anything seriously and I trusted both of them. When Derek broke up with me I was pretty devastated and it came as quite a shock, even though we did have problems here and there. About a few months later, I found out that him and Alice had been sneaking around behind my back after we broke up. I was terribly hurt from the fact that the two of them had kept it from me, and how she could lie to my face while pretending to comfort me as I cried over him. Both of them apologized profusely, with Derek saying that he had genuine feelings for Alice but was unsure of how to tell me yet, and Alice saying that she was only sneaking around with him to use him as she was lonely.Given, I figured that Derek was the person who was more sorry for what he did, and it was easier to forgive him as he had done it because he had fallen for her. After a few months we became friends again, though Alice and Derek no longer speak to each other as it turns out, Alice cheated on Derek while they were sneaking around and is now seeing a friend of his. Recently, Derek and I have become close and are now 'friends with benefits'. The thing is, I used to be fine with this arrangement but now I guess feelings have come into the equation. Derek wants to get back together again, and not just in a physical sense. I know that I would like that to happen again, I just don't trust him. He says everything that sounds right, and one of his best friend says that he does genuinely care about me, but at the back of my head I'm wondering if he's just manipulating me to get what he wants. I'm utterly confused and I don't know what we should be any more.
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female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (7 January 2009):
 He is manipulating you to get what he wants? And what would that be? You are friends with benefits already...so he does get sex, so I assume that he wants more - a relationship with you. So he is manipulating you to get a relationship with you? Usually guys that want a relationship with a girl do care about her.
You worry about getting hurt again but those who don't take the risk do not drink champaigne. Id take my chances with that guy again if I had feelings for him.
Good luck.
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