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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm not sure how to act around my bf's parents--he's 24 and he lives with his parents and I'm 20 and I still live with my parents too, and we usually end up cuddling at his house in his room while watching a movie or soemthing, but I feel weird because his room is downstairs and the living room is upstairs and I always feel weird coming back upstairs after kissing him and saying hi to his parents--we aren't having sex or doing anything sexual like that at all, just making out mostly, but I feel like...just like I'm taking advantage of their house, or something. I just feel uncomfortable afterwards but, of course, not while I'm kissing him or hugging him, but do you think I should stop making out with him downstairs and talk more to his parents upstairs? I think I'd feel better having a better rapport with them or do you think they mind? I have no idea how to approach this--thank you
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reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
Take time away with your boyfriend. It isn't healthy to sit in with the parents whilst fancying being with your fellar. Don't you have somewhere else to go? Get somewhere else to go and enjoy being together
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 December 2005):
 Do try to get to know his parents, even to the point of deferring your making out with your boyfriend.
You're not "taking advantage" of his house in any way that I can tell -- it would be a different story if you were downstairs having noisy sex, then used up all the household's hot water on a shower-for-two... Unlikely, but that scenario would fit my definition of taking advantage -- but his folks probably feel a little uncomfortable going about their lives upstairs, and wondering what their son's getting up to downstairs.
One of the "prices" that a person pays when an adult still living with the parents is the necessity of being civil and not pretending you can act as if you're alone. That's because you're not. You need to acknowledge his parents, help out in a casual and friendly way, and be sure to greet them and make an attempt at conversation.
After all, they're going to be curious about what kind of person you are, and to make sure that you're the right sort of woman for their son, right?
I don't mean you have to sit three-abreast with them on the lounge and watch reruns of "Love Boat". Just that you should make an effort to get to know them. The other side of that coin is that you'll feel more relaxed around their house.
Then, once all that is said and done... maybe it's time your boyfriend found his OWN place, huh? Then this whole issue disappears. It's a thought, anyway.
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female
reader, cridagus +, writes (20 December 2005):
there is nothing wrong in my mind being alone with him, how ever it might not hurt to wonder in the kitchen when his mom is in there and offer to help put away the dishes or just chat for a while. Also why don't you and your boyfriend ask his parents if they would like to pop in a movie and all watch it together. They may feel uncomfortable too and breaking the ice by getting to know each other might help. Also she will respect you more if you put forth the effort to be nice.
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