A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Lately I've been feeling sad about my age; I have all these dreams but I'm scared that, at 32, I'm too old for many of them to come true. I'm afraid that it's too late and that my dreams have passed me by.I would have liked to share my life and find a boyfriend or husband, but there's a caveat. I think that Mexican guys are amazing... and I'm not attracted to anyone else. I'm not attracted to men of my own background at all! When reality sets in, though, my heart sinks... I'm American, and I rarely see Mexican guys who date American women.La neta (truth be told)... I feel like it's too late for me to find someone! I live in the state of Michoacán and I have noticed that nearly all the guys are snatched up years before they get to be my age. Furthermore Mexican guys seem to love YOUNG girls and I'm at that age that isn't considered attractive anymore. I don't know why any of them would be interested in me! What's breaking my heart is that somewhere out there, there might be someone who would have been right for me, and I wasted my life and let my chance pass me by and now it's too late. I speak Spanish and I've lived in the culture and identify with it and I know where my heart is. People say that if I'm willing to date an American white guy that I could potentially find someone, but I know that I'm not interested in guys from my own culture. I certainly don't mean to be mean to white American guys. I have friends of all races and nationalities, but... I KNOW that I'm not attracted to white American guys! Mexican guys just have a different way of being and I think it's amazing. I feel like Latino guys are romantic and sweet in a way that Anglo Americans are not. People say I could even give a Mexican American guy a chance but guys that were brought up in American culture, reflect American culture. American men just seem to lack something. I will probably be accused of being shallow, I don't want to give up on love but I refuse to settle for someone I don't love, and I know in my heart that this is what I want. Please don't tell me ''you just haven't met the RIGHT white American guy.'' I know my heart. I'm feeling very sad. I have my heart absolutely set on a Latin guy, but how can I EVER find the person who is right for me when he has probably been snatched up by now? When everyone has already been snatched up... and I'm too old to possibly be considered attractive?On top of everything else, I've never had sexual relations with anyone and I feel like something is missing... but I am facing a dilemna. I want, and need, to experience sex with a man. I don't want my first time to be with someone who doesn't care with me and who will just throw me away like garbage. I want it to be with someone who really cares about me... but I feel like I'm way too old to find a bf. I don't wanna be 45 years old and still a virgin but I worry that it's either that or give it away to someone who will dump me and forget about me.All this negativity... I know... but I've fallen into despair. I've tried to move on but there's this void there. My heart is breaking because I feel like my chance at happiness passed me by.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): I've experience my fair share of depression, but I got over it because that's not the life I wanted. Is that the life you want? No, then do something about it, stop thinking someone is going to fall out of the sky and cater to your every needs.I know life is a complete pain but, nobody ever said it was going to be fair either. First things first, you need to get over your depression, in order to do that you need to get out more, hang with friends, make friends, volunteer at shelters, be more spontaneous, do things you've always wanted to do, just get up and go, enjoy life. The more you think all sad and negative the more your body secrets hormones to make you feel even worse. The more you think happy thoughts the happier you are. You need to be show appriciate for every single thing you have when depressed, it may sound dumb ,but TRUST ME, it works. It takes time but it pays off.When depressed start saying out loud what you are grateful for, may it be your arms, legs, your hair, your sanity, you Mexican heritage, having parents, having siblings, anything and just keep going, before you know it you'll feel better, but remember ,it will talk some time, so don't give up.As for relationships, you are WAYYYYY too picky. I know you like Mexican men but if you limit yourself like that you're closing doors for men from other races who may surprise you. For all you know all the Mexican guys only want to be with white woman and would want to even give you a chance.So lets recap:1.Go out more, even if it's by yourself.2.Meet people, just start conversation to build confidence.3.Be sexy, you're only 32 woman, only a 14 years old thinks that's old. You were in you twenties less than 5 years ago, c'mon. Treat yourself, get a makeover, get new clothes.4.Smile, watch stand up, dance crazy, laugh at yourself, do something crazy, tell a random guy he's hot. LIVE A LITTLE!!5.Be open to everyone. Going on a date with a white or black guys doesn't mean you'll marry them, it just gives you experience to show that Mexican guy what he's missing.Don't allow life to spoil you. Have fun. Do something that makes you say "I can't believe I just did that."You can't blame life, you can only blame how YOU chose to live it.Hope this helps! Good Luck!
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (1 August 2011):
 I rememember your posts from before regarding this same issue.
Have you followed any of the advice others have given you or sought out some help to deal with your depression?
I suspect you may be fixiated on the fantasy of "The perfect mate" for you.
You are caught in a whirlwind of sadness because you CHOOSE to be there. Cmon sweetie,kick your own ass out of this funk and address your fixation.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 August 2011):
 You're being picky, and then you complain about mexican men being picky! Widen your horizon, relationships are not at all about looks, they go deeper than that, and as a human we're capable to look beyond the surface and get to know each other at a deeper level. Don't be shallow, and you will open up to a lot more men in your life.
You don't particularly LOVE mexican men. How can you be in love with an entire population. You need to find true love, because this "love" you think you have is superficial.
I don't care about Americans, you don't have to date them. But for heavens sake the earth is full of people, and you act as if there's only two kinds of men when the truth is every man is an INDIVIDUAL. So get to know the guys before you judge. And no, Im not talking about American men. If you want to eliminate one group of men from the picking then fine, but do not restrict yourself to only one group either!
You've never been in a relationship, hence your idea of relationships being superficial. You need real life experience. Date around, date guys you don't particularly like and STOP being shallow. Get to know a man, accept a few dates and keep repeating the cycle. Get used to how it feels to get close to someone and build a REAL connection between two individuals.
By now, if you found a Mexican man, you'd have idolized him as a "species" to the extent that he's never be able to connect with you on an individual level. You might as well have fallen in love with a painting and insist on it staying the perfect painting you idolize, when it just isn't. It's unhealthy.
With so much negativity and unhealthy fixating on shallow matters, I advice you, sincerely, to seek professional help from a therapist. See your doctor first if you do not know where to turn. You need to get to the bottom of why you fixate on Mexican men, because this unhealthy habit is what is ruining things for you and all your hopes and dreams. It isn't anything else but you who stand in your way.
I know you've written to us before, so please, seek help, for your own good. Otherwise you will only continue to come back, and nothing will change except you will grow older and miss out on more and more.
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