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female
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anonymous
writes: i have a problem.when i get intimate with a man it dosnt happen sometimes.im so tight down there that they cant get it in and i dont know what to do,its very embarrassing and upsetting and i would like to know,is theyre anything i can do to make me less tight? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 There are a few possible issues at play here and the first is that you are probably nervous. When nervous you tend not to lube and you will be tight. If you are not enjoying sex for that reason you could try to relax and breathe deeply. Add more fore play. If the guy goes very slowly and you are nearly begging for it by the time you go for home plate, it should be better. As you become aroused, the blood swelling the area and the moisture can really do amazing things to your abilities to open up so to speak.
Another issue though that stands out to me as odd is that you are embarrassed about this. You may not yet be ready to have sex with these guys. Tight is a selling point! Guys are always joking about how great tight is. I usually hear girls are embarrassed when they are too loose- because a lot younger guys have an incorrect belief that loose means easy or slut. It just means ready! I also hear girls willing to try using the out pipe (if you know what I mean) because he claims he can’t enjoy it if it is not like a vice grip below.
If you are worried about what they are thinking, I assure you it is not bad. They just don’t want you to give up. Which reminds me . . .
Most sexual impotency (inabilities to perform) comes from our worries that a bad situation will repeat during the next encounter. When we worry about that we take the focus on the feeling and become spectators of ourselves. That is that we are spending too much time imagining what we must be like to the other person to get into the moment and enjoy.
Next time you are at the gyno, ask if you are smaller than average. (s)he will definitely be the expert on size. You probably are either nervous or just petite and you probably already know which if not both describe you. If you are petite and your partner is not, you may just be anatomically mismatched
Here are the things to try before worrying too much though. First, put the guys off a bit longer until you feel a real bond. Trust is vital for relaxing and enjoying yourself. Also, ensure that you are wet enough for penetration. If you are dehydrated, drink more water and ensure you have a lube that is safe to use with condoms. (Not all oils or creams will do. make sure that it is designed for the purpose. K-Y jelly works well and good viscosity (won't absorb or quickly break down when there is added friction like a face cream would). The only other thing that may work for you is to buy a vibrator or dildo and get to know yourself. Skin will stretch when it has been stretched over time.
I would really try to relax though. So long as you are truly ready both mentally and physically (lots of foreplay an absolute must...) you should be fine unless you are very petite and he is huge. If the ideas above don't work out, see your doctor.
Finally, if you were sexually abused at any time in your life, then that could be your problem. Subconsciously, if you were abused, your body would naturally reject any intrusions as a safety precaution. If you were, please seek help for survivors of abuse. If – If –If so, it would help you work through issues that you may have thought you were over. But if your vagina disagrees, then “she” might need some extra support before she opens up so to speak.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, just-as-confused-as-u +, writes (25 April 2006):
 trust me makeing yourself less tight is the last thing you want to do in the future after more sexual experience it will get easier and after children you will want to go back to the way it is now but if you do want to losen it slightly you can do so by inserting you fingers into you vagina and opening and closing them
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