A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:We had known each other since childhood, it was almost inevitable that years later, as adults, we would get together. We both came from unhappy homes and in the past had problems with drink and drugs. Together we straightened ourselves out and conformed to normal society, got solid jobs, bought a house etc. I always had to be the strong one, she had many health problems, also suffered from depression and had abandonment issues. After a few years she replasped and went back on the bottle, it was hard work but we struggled through. We learnt from it, I learnt the signs and we worked for it not to happen again. A few more years later I became ill, for the first time in years I had to put myself first, and for the first time I asked her to stand on her own two feet whilst I got well. She couldn't, I noticed the signs too late, she hit the bottle, sank into depression, then ran off with another man. She blamed me entirely, she hated me and could never forgive me for becoming ill, in her mind I had abandoned her. I had allowed the drink and sadness back into her life. She knew it wasn't rational but it is how she felt. That was eight years ago.I was devastated, I took her words to heart and blamed myself as well, it took me quite a while to properly get back on my feet. I bumped into her in town 3 years back, she took one look at me and just ran away. That hurt, after all those years together it really hurt. I do okay in life, I run a small business, own a nice home, play county level sport, help run a youth club. The only thing lacking is a woman to share life with. Problem is I have met many perfectly nice ladies but they do nothing for me and gave up looking years ago. The more time goes on, the more I feel like I lost "the one". Does anyone else feel like that?
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female
reader, petina1 +, writes (29 November 2008):
 Bad things from the past can only be erased for so long thru drink, or drugs but always at some point come back to haunt you. Your woman is associating you with all the stuff she is dealing with and you will be a constant reminder of it all as part and package. You sound like you have pulled yourself up out of the gutter and have the ability to stay on top. One day someone will notice that and it won't be long before your new life will begin again. You are doing the right thing by getting involved in activities. Diversions away from bad things always bring good results eventually. Start thinking about the rest of 'your' life now and be hopeful for the future. good luck , hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 Perhaps your relationship was never tested before you became ill and you never really got to see her true character? This is typical co-dependent behavior on her part. A child forever. I feel so bad for you that in your heart she was The One and Only. But she was a part of your life almost all of your life.
Don't worry! One day you will meet someone who is right for you. There is a lot to be said for chemistry and rapport with another person. Finding the right one isn't all that easy. Don't give up. You feel this way only because you haven't met the right woman yet, and just any nice pretty lady isn't always enough to create an emotional bond with someone.
You will be fine! And something tells me you will meet the right woman eventually since you are being selective and not just taking any old one just to have someone. This in the end will make for a much better relationship when the right woman does enter your life.
I finally found the One for me when I was 50, but unfortunately, I am not The One for him. He just doesn't realize I am! LOL I feel like there is no one other than him for me due to his personality and spirit.... yet, just to go out with anyone just to have someone, isn't very appealing.
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