A
female
age
30-35,
*rettygirlie
writes:Hey my boyfriend is in the army and is away alot. We have been together a yr and a half now and its been hard him nt bein around, but since he went away before for 3months and came bac and is away alot and i only see him every other weekend we became really close, and also because ive been in hospital. Were both really happy together and its going fine. But sometimes i feel like i want more already like i wana be engaged to him cause the fact we've been throught so much eg/him bein away loads and me bein very ill and other stuf. and to me i jus know im so happy with him and i want us to be togehter always. Hes in afgan atm and we spoke bout it before he went and he was like im not ready to be married, but then says maybe we shld try for kids wen hes bac, and then says lets not and then says maybe we shld get engaged when hes back. I think he was confused and kept saying different things because he had alot on his mind before he went away. but should i ask him wen hes back what he wants or jus leave it up to him?Thanksx
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 April 2010):
Even if he moves close to you for now, in 2 years they will announce he is off to Ireland or Germany or somewhere else. He doesn't get to chose.
I also just want you to consider the fact you will be a single mum for a LOT of the time. And if he comes home minus legs and arms you'll have to be his full time carer, full time mum, and probably have to get a job if you don't want to live on the minimal amount of benefits the next government will give out.
You have to think about how this is going to work for the next 20 years.
On the plus side, the army does get you 90% off boarding school so you can give your kids a great education.
Kids are great but why rush into it? Enjoy being young and being able to book 2 weeks last minute in Jamaica when he has leave. You can't EVER be spontaneous if you have kids.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, prettygirlie +, writes (22 April 2010):
prettygirlie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEmily - do u really feel kids arent good in that situtation? cause i deft want kids and so does he. And hes asked me to move out with him and i made it clear im going far from my family and mates and hes moving his barracks so hes closer to here. So he seems to be makin alot of comprimise! So im not to sure whats for the best. x
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A
female
reader, prettygirlie +, writes (22 April 2010):
prettygirlie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTigerlily - thats helpful guess he knows what i want he wants to be together for ever he recons so gues hes jus gota work it out in his head, he is a man i guess so dey wil feel it afta me lol thanks x
Tasteofindia - thanks for the advice, i guess it would be difficult him always away but im already use to him not bein around, i got really ill and went for a operation in hospital n stuf and i think once i coped throught that alone things got easier when he was gone. I do miss him but i always got other stuff to do so i dont get really down. Like the first day i cry cause im like god six months seems ages, but like now its been bout 5weeks and its going so quick. I think aswel when i was younger my mum always was at home with us and my dad was always as work, and my mum didnt have family around they all moved and her mum died and she done it, and i love the relationship ive got with her, and it made me realise along time ago i do really want kids and i would love to stay home with them, and then recently when i went to hospital i had a gyno problem and they said havin kids could be harder for me and it made me realise i do wana stay home with them if i manage to get them. and my boyfriends career means alot to him, and im happy for him! For some reason i see my mum and my dad worked away loads abroad and they seemed to of cope and i wasnt a brat child screamin and stuf was jus normal, so i think it can be done. But the same time i dont wana rush life because hes in the army and i think thats where i have trouble with the balance, and also because they told me by the time im 25 i prob wil have lost most my fertitly its made me wana move things on quicker, and i dont feel like all my mates anymore i dont go out drinkin loads and stayin up late cause i no i gota keep healthy if i want kids so i feel like ive already grown up. Not sure whats for the best x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 April 2010):
Please please please don't have kids with him.
I was an army wife for years and I can tell you how utterly miserable the girls were when they had to look after their screaming brats who were playing up yet AGAIN because daddy was in Afghan / Iraq and they were moved to a base hundreds of miles from any family or friends.
It is a miserable life. I only coped because I was free enough that I could go out and see my friends and sleep on sofas and floors at their houses and not have to worry about a child.
If you want to get engaged then fine. But to be honest, you could just write him a really nice bluey and having that to read again and again when he's in his bedspace at night will be the best thing ever.
Missing someone makes you want them more and more. Just take things slowly. You have the rest of your lives together, why dash into all this early on? Spread it out so you can enjoy it over the next few years.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 I'm married to a Marine right now, and we've been together for 4 and a half years. Even after all that time, two and a half years living together and all the time to build a relationship, being with a military man is still ridiculously hard. The time away is romantic at first, but gets more and more difficult as time goes by. The tears, the pain, the loneliness, it is far from romantic. I've had to endure more in the last (nearly) year than I'd wish on my worst enemy.
A lot of his military friends (all much younger than him - he's 27... most of the guys he knows are 18-23) have kids back at home. It's hard to watch their relationships grow and fall, because the military life is too hard. It's hard to be trusting of your fella (and you) and it's hard to be yourself elsewhere. Being alone is tricky.
So, ultimately I think that you should just give him time. And make sure that he REALLY TRULY wants to be engaged. Don't just trust a proposal in the spur of the moment. Make sure it's what you and him really want. Military life SUCKS, I can't sugar coat that. And marriage is tough. Make sure you're really, really ready for BOTH.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (21 April 2010):
He knows what you want. Let him sort it out. Anything you say now will just feel like pressure to him. Now is when you just want to make him remember why he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and why he doesn't want to risk losing you.
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