A
female
age
30-35,
*indaloo
writes:Hi Just after some suggestions/advice regarding my brother in law. I have planned to go on holiday next April with a friend (which is now booked and confirmed). My sister is having a baby in August and plans to have a Christening next April, so I then said please don't have it when I am away. He then said to my sister that 'they will choose when to have it and if Holly can't be there then that will have to be that'. There are things I would like to say to him but I just find him so rude to say such a thing. The amount I spend on their 2 children which they have already got is unreal (yes thats my choice, but I would also like to do the same for my next neice/nephew.)Also, he said the other day to my sister 'if auntie Holly paints my kids nails again - she'll get a telling off'. They are kids they wanted their nails painting! I just do not know what to do? I do not really speak/ get on with him anyway as he is extremely quiet!! (just like me accept I go red everytime I speak so it is more obvious!) Sorry for such a long post, but if anyone can help, I would really much appreciate it. Thank you.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 April 2014):
 The more I think about this, if these are the only 2 instances in which Sis has reported what BIL said, I would take that with a grain of salt and a healthy dose of patience.
If this is a recurring event, then I would start to ask Sis, "I love you all very much and want to do what is best for your family. Please let me know how to interact with your children in the way you want. If I am doing something that makes you uncomfortable, please let me know. If you are fine with what I am doing but BIL is not, please tell BIL that you're okay with it and don't pass along his misgivings to me. I want to build and maintain a positive relationship with BIL as well as with my nieces and nephews and with you! Love you madly Sis!"
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 April 2014):
I'm not getting that your BIL is the problem here. The problem seems to be your sister. You're not arguing with your BIL, your sister is throwing him up as the bad guy, rather than be honest herself.
She knows when you are going on holiday, if she wants you there for the christening, she won't schedule the event in April.
If she didn't want you to paint the children's nails, she should tell you herself. Passing on a comment like "she'll get a telling off" is what's really rather insidious here. I wonder if she is the one who is annoyed and chooses to make BIL the bad guy as she knows you two don't really speak?
I would take a bit of a breather here and look at the situation with more open eyes. Don't be so quick to judge BIL based on what Sis says. Note that Sis is the common denominator here, she's the one passing messages back and forth.
I would not complain about BIL to Sis at all, in fact, I would take an entirely different approach.
I would say nothing but kind and polite things about BIL to Sis, even if she is reporting something negative he says. I would ask Sis, "so do you feel the same way as BIL? Am I missing something here? Is there something you want to tell me?"
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 April 2014):
 I think, if your sister and BIL wants to Christening their child while you are on holiday that that is ON them and their choice.
They can't always plan events around you.
If your SISTER, however, WANTS you there for the Christening, well then she knows that you aren't going to be available in April.
Your BIL is a passive-aggressive guy. Instead of doing the whole "if Auntie Holly" does this or that... HE should tell you up front, PLEASE don't paint the kids nails I don't want it done, and then you (as an aunt) would have to respect that.
Just talk to your sister and let HER deal with BIL.
And if SHE wants to go ahead with the event even-though you are not there, then respect that. They aren't going to have their child Christened to spite you.
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