A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am asking this question on behalf of my daughter who has found herself in a very tangled web. She was living with the love of her life for over 1 year, (they had been dating for 4 years) along with his brother and his best friend since college, they are now in their 30's. The boyfriend decided that marriage and kids wern't for him so he broke off the relationship, and he moved out. To complicate the web, my daughter's best friend had been dating her boyfriend's best friend (roommate) off and on for several years. He was more into the relationship than she was. Fast forward 8 months since the ex boyfriend moved out and now the ex boyfriend's best friend and current roommate has divulged that he has strong feelings for my daughter. Through all of the drama over their breakups they have become very close friends and do everything together. My daughter does not want to cross the line with the best friend roommate as she is too worried that her best girlfriend will end their friendship. He is also worried about his relationship with his best friend (her Ex). They are both frozen with what if's but truly seem to be a good match for each other, they both want the same things in their future, (marriage and kids) where the exes did not want these things. I know there is a rule about dating an exes friend, but what if the two left fall for each other. Shouldn't they be given a chance to find out, or is the web too thick and they should keep their feelings to themselves. Noone knows about these new feelings but me. I want my daughter to be happy and just get on with her life. I think they should be open about the situation with their exes and assume that they will be adult enough about it to realize that if it didn't work out for each of them, that their exes and best friends deserve to get what they want.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): I personally would not cross that line with my best friends's ex boyfriend. There are definitely rules about dating your best friends ex. You just don't do that. Its out of respect. Imagine if it didn't work out with this guy. She would be single and friendless. I don't think its worth it. It's not worth letting a guy come between a friendship.
Not only that, but he's her ex boyfriend's best friend. That also is completely inappropriate.
I'll be honest, I think what they're doing is pretty shady. And its probably going to cause nothing but drama. He's not the only guy in the world who wants a serious relationship. She can find somebody else and that's what she should do. But if they want to be so shady as to do this to their own friends, then they deserve each other and they definitely don't deserve the friends their giving up for this.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 August 2008):
Yes, there's generally a rule that you shouldn't date your ex's best friend and vice versa. But I think when you get to a certain age and the past relationships didn't work out because, as in this case, the ex-boyfriend of your daughter and the friend's ex-girlfriend were not ready for a serious longterm commitment, if the person that they feel is the right fit for them happens to be the other's ex, why not go for it? Obviously your daughter and the friend know what the want and share a common interest in obtaining the same goals. It's not like they're teenagers or in their early twenties where they're unsure of what they want and are not ready to settle down, which could cause ruin to their friendship because of a relationship the is destined to not work out in the first place, leading them to be left without each other and without their friends.
I think your daughter and the ex's bestfriend deserve to be happy and if it's with each other then so-be-it. I'm sure they don't want to lose their friends and hopefully their frieds can be mature enough to realize that the reason their relationship didn't work out is because THEY were the ones who were not ready and that they really don't have a place to be jealous of their friends when the relationship wasn't going anywhere because of their own failure to commit.
So in other words, I think you're right and agree with what you are thinking.
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