A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I moved to a rural town from a large city to be with my fiance. Sorry, this is sort of a long read. Whenever I talk about my past--this is general talk or reflection between two people as couples do and I am showing a couple of examples here, be it trials and tribulations, actually minor really, such as being cut off in big city rush hour traffic, getting the middle finger, or people honking at me...actually normal daily commute encounters that people in a large city have endured maybe in regards to the news on TV we watched that sparked the conversation, he always cuts me off and says...well you don't have worry about that now. It's like he does not want to hear about it. Another incident regarded a lake cottage that my late parents got swindled out of by family members. One family took it over and my parents and my uncles family (It was three families sharing the cottage) finally bowed out because the dominating family took the cabin every weekend and my parents could not even get time in for it themselves. My fiance's parents happen to have a lake cottage on the same lake. Of course, the situation was upsetting to me only because of what my parents went through and how hurt they were. If, I ever talk about the situation, he tells me well, you have a nice cabin right here...that I always grumble about what happened to my parents. I don't go about bemoaning situations or am a constant complainer. I am just expressing things that happened in my past be they pleasant or unpleasant.Yet, he complains about his ex-wife all the time, when I have told him to stop. His parents do too because his ex would not let them see their grandchildren. It is always, Kay did this (his ex-wife) or Kay did that either at home or when his parents visit us or we visit them. So, 1) I am learning not to say anything in a "negative" tone about my past 2) I think before I speak and how I will phrase things--probably a good thing. 3) Or I don't say anything at all anymore. Thank goodness I have some really good close girlfriends I can call and talk to from my past that live in the state I moved from. But, since the move I have become very isolated because of his job position in town. I am limited on who I can befriend here because I can't be friends with the employees of his and it's a small town so the connections go way back to when they were born here so you have to be extra careful who you talk to and what you say. I am injecting religion here, because a relative said it's like I am almost a pastor's wife in regard to my situation. I have to maintain this presence in the community and be very careful what I say and do and limit my contacts.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): I'm the one that posed this question. The question is why does he cut me off when I am reflecting on my life experiences? He doesn't want to hear what I am saying if he thinks it is a negative reflection from my past. It's like I am not suppose to talk about my past in a negative light but always in a postive tone. But it's "okay" for him and his parents to rant about his ex-wife all the time.
I'm starting to "edit" what I say around him or not say anything at all and just smile.
Men and women do have different communication levels I am finding out.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2013):
 I've read your vent... what exactly is your question?
My husband also does this... he whines and complains about living in our state now... he moved from where he had lived most of his life to be with me in my (now our) home and my state and he hates it. But he does not understand about my venting.
I've been taught that men are fixers and women are venters...we like to talk about our problems and don't expect our partner to fix them, while they think if we are talking about it we expect them to fix it.
It's frustrating isn't it?
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