A
male
age
36-40,
Daniel the love doctor
writes:Do you focus your energy on something or someone which may take time away from you and your partner? Well if you highly value your relationship, you may need to make some changes.Situation#1: Work. If you’re a big time workaholic, then it’s probably affecting your relationship. Now I know you may be thinking…“Well I have bills to pay” or “The projects on my desk are not going to get done by itself” or maybe even “I have to stay occupied to keep myself from being bored”...o.k. wait a second. Are you single...or are you in a relationship? If there are things that truly needs to be done, make sure one of those things is keeping your partner happy. You may have bills to pay or things to do– but you should make it a point to schedule (if you have to) quality time with your significant other. Plan weekend getaways, go out to your favorite restaurants, go see a movie together, etc. Communicate with your partner to find out what he/she would like to do with you.Situation #2: Family/Friends. Whether it’s friends, children, cousins, or siblings, we love spending time with them We love hanging out, or taking the kids to as many fun places as possible, or just being able to relax with them. Now that may be all well and good, but even if your partner is with you many of those times, they are not getting the quality time with you that they deserve. The best thing to do in this situation is to be aware. Does it seem as though you’re sort of neglecting your partner? Are you doing too much in a family or group setting with him/her? Sometimes you need to have that one-on-one time with your significant other to keep him/her satisfied as well.Situation #3: Hobbies. Are you spending too much alone time doing the things that only you like to do? Then you should think about whether you really want to be in a relationship or not. Remember, you’re not single...you’re in a relationship– and you need to invest more time into it than you think. Even though you absolutely should have some alone time to do the things that interest you, you should also devote a good amount of time to doing activities with your partner also. Even if your partner is not vocal about the neglect that he or she may be feeling, it’s definitely on their brain.So work on making your relationship great now, so it won’t be an issue later.
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (15 October 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question Sounds good Chigirl. Thanks for posting. :^)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 October 2011):
 I'll suggest to her then, inspired by your advice, that she tells him she can not come home to cook together, but that they instead can spend some hours in the weekend/evening to do something nice together. Because making dinner isn't always "quality time", not when they make it every day. Maybe they instead of making dinner together could do something more special in the evening when she does have time for him.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (15 October 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Chigirl!
I agree with you to a certain point. It all depends on the actual couple, how often they see each other, and how they use the time they spend together.
In your friends case, I don't think that it's ok for the boyfriend to DEMAND that she stays at home so they can cook together. It should be an option. On the flip side of the coin, if they're not spending enough time together, and she chooses to spend less time with him, then that's not right also. I think what could work for the both of them, is to use the time that they spend together wisely. Do things that they both would enjoy- and put extra focus on spending QUALITY (not so much about quantity) time with each other. So when she does go to school/work, it's not going to be an issue.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 October 2011):
What happens when you periodically do not have as much leftover time? A friend of mine is studying and working on the side of her studies, and her exams are coming up. She wants to stay at school longer days to study, but her boyfriend is throwing a tantrum if she stays at school any longer than so and so many hours. She wants to stay at school to 6pm rather than 4pm, but he demands her at home so they can cook dinner together.
What would you think about that situation? I would think that periodically not having as much time for each other should be ok. This couple live together and he gets to see her every day anyway. While he complains that she's not giving him more of herself in this period, she is bordering leaving him because she feels smothered by him.
Just curious to what you'd say about it in the context of making time for a partner.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (12 October 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAgain, great points 19reginna84. As always, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. :^)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): Really, what you enjoy to do is up to you. Some people enjoy t.v. Others enjoy going out dancing. Some people are into camping or hiking. Others like museums or theatre events. And yet for others it is dinner and movie. Really, it depends on the people. There are so many combinations of things to do!
Another great thing is to involve your partner in your interests, and vice versa. If you love to build model trains, don't just say "this is what I do, deal with it." Teach the other person about it and why it makes you passionate. If you love football and your partner doesn't, don't get all huffy if they sit down and watch a game but have a ton of questions. Teach your partner to play poker with you. Get them a mountain bike and go for a gentle ride. And above all be patient! And if she wants to take you to a ballet or he wants to go to the car show, then by all means, go! Don't complain, it makes things special and brings us together.
It will make your relationship stronger if you share.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (11 October 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGreat points Dorothy Dix! I appreciate your input as well. :^)
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (11 October 2011):
Hi there. I absolutely agree with both of you.
Everything in balance.
And it is a delicate balance to get it all right.
Pursuing your own interests and hobbies - for both of you - is also important for some "me time". Just so long as it isn't every night of the week of course. Once a week or perhaps twice at the most, and only for a couple of hours at a time. Not all night long.
Also have some time with your friends occasionally - perhaps once a fortnight or once a month, and phone calls in between.
And making the time you spend together - just the two of you - as interesting and fun as it can be.
And not just sitting around watching television and not going out.
Remember, life is exactly what you make it. The more effort you put in, the more you get out of it.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (10 October 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with your comments 19reginna84. Thanks for posting. :^)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): This is very good. Especially these days with online activities. It is very easy to get consumed by something online and forget our partner is there.
Or also hanging out with friends or family members. You don't need to give up those people, but when they take the majority of your time all the time, then it isn't good for your partner.
As much as "seperate interests" are important, "together interests" are just as important. What's the point of being with someone if you never spend time with them?
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