A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Recently my fiance's ex girlfriend, "Kayla" has moved into his parent's house. He had a daughter, "Liza", with her about 3 years ago and has recently decided not to see Liza anymore. Kayla is a little loose in the head... she's popped people's tires and chased after my fiance with a knife while they were dating, and the main reason why I urged him to stop seeing his daughter is because she is starting to show the same type of psychotic behavior, which I don't want around my future children. Anyway, now that she has moved in with his parents, we no longer go over to his parent's or talk to them. We have cut off contact with them. His sister is royally pissed off and says that we are acting like children. Are we wrong in not wanting to go over to his parents because we don't want to be around Kayla. Don't we have a right to be mad at his parents for letting someone who's made my fiance's life a living hell into their life, while I feel like I still don't have his parent's approval 2 months before our wedding. We have also decided that his parents are not coming to the wedding. Are we being too harsh or are we doing the right thing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): I'm the original poster of this question and just to solve any confusion, my fiance is only aloud to see his daughter 48 hours every month, he used to be able to see her for a week out of the month but his ex got mad at him for being with me (again) and stopped letting him see her. We had to try extremely hard to be able to see her again, we do not have the money to try to go for custody so that in not an option. He sees his daughter too little to make a difference in her life, and I again will say I do not want her around my future children, she lacks any concept of pain and has hit my cats, my fiance, and me. She thinks it's funny and okay to pull her cousin by the legs and watch him hit his head on the pavement. So no I don't think I'm being harsh to the child, as long as we are only aloud 48 hours with her I don't see how we can change her behavior or even enjoy her visits.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 October 2008):
I think you are being harsh to his parents and to his child.
The reason the child may be acting strangely is because her daddy has been so inconsistent and keeps disappearing and seems not to love her.
As for his parents - they have a grand child and it is not YOUR choice about whether they see her or not.
He has a responsibility to the kid as do his parents. He can't just cut his own child out of his life because of the mother's actions.
His parents should be able to make their own choices in whom they allow in their lives and should not have to answer to you.
I think not allowing them to the wedding just makes you look like the evil new woman who has stolen their son away and made him abandon his child. That could be completely false and he could be happy to dump his responsibilities, but I think you should have a think about this a bit more.
Good Luck!! xx
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