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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 10 months says he needs a break from me to sort out his own personal problems. He says he wants to regain the spark we had early in our relationship, and that a break from me will give him time to sort stuff out. I know I have been the best girlfriend I could be to him and his two children (one of them being disabled) but the problems I think stem from where he sees us in the future. He is a widower of four years and maybe he finds it hard to commit? We would see each other a lot, but I got to a point where I felt I was getting nowhere and the relationship was not moving any further forward, so I guess I started to back off a bit and defend myself for a break up. I hung on to me. By doing this, I think he has interpreted it as I don't care, when if he looked around he would see my actions towards him and his children have been good. I love him, and he has said he loves me. What do I do? I have given him a week to sort things out, then we will catch up. I miss him terribly. Are we through?
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male
reader, bhamner +, writes (14 March 2006):
I've never seen this 'time apart' thing work out the way you think. Oh you may get back together, but not sure how long. Give him his time, but give yourself time to. Move one, date, etc. If it is love, you will find your way back. If not, so much the better. Sounds cliche I know, but I think it is true. BTW, I can barely decide on which socks to wear much less sort out my complex feelings on love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): When a guy says he's looking for that 'spark' and they need space..I get suspicious of his genuine feelings of sincerity. Instead, some people crave that early, initial 'infatuation high' and flit from relationship to relationship. I'm not saying this is what your bf is going through, but it's a possibility. Some men/women like this feeling and they can't get into the next phase of their relationship where the real love kicks in. So the problem may not be your defensive behaviours, that created his choice to take a break.
When a love is mature, genuine and real and has all the necessary ingredients like, respect, warmth, trust, friendship-I can honestly say, you'd both be together..right now. You'd get through the difficulties, the obstacles and you'd continue on. This is where a couple's love and compatability will over ride the earlier 'spark or infatuation high' that was felt in the beginning.
So it's important to understand, that sometimes a couple can work really hard at making a relationship work but if one of the couple just doesn’t think it has that special spark of magic needed, it's not going to make it over the long haul.
Possibly a good way to find out? You want to know where you stand, so I would suggest you contact him and ask him yourself. You need to know and if you are going to continue investing emotional energy into this with him or not? I truely hope he's honest with you. If he isn't, you may have to resign yourself to that fact, and just move forward without him. But you do deserve an honest assessment from him of where he's at in this relationship. Take care and good luck, dear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2006): Isn't that what you'll find out at the end of the week?
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