A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:(sorry this is so long)Hi im sixteen. Last friday i met a boy. He was new to our school and met a friend of mine, he would txt and call her a lot and she got really annoyed. I thought he was cute and told her to tell him that, she did and gave him my number, so he started texting me. We started texting monday, and the next day we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We've made out a lot, and i mentioned to him that ive been fingered and he wants to finger me. I told him i wanted to wait, he said okay. I said i wanted to wait a week but i want this to last so i dont want to be this physical with him. So i might tell him i want to wait longer. We both dont want to have just a physical relationship, and when weve made out we would talk and kiss. Its gotten less heated because i asked that we didnt do a lot of stuff so it could last and he was fine with that.Also, the day we decided to be BF and GF, he said he loved me. He always says it, ive asked him about it and if he really loves me and he says he does. And he wants us to be together forever. My friends are freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They've been very controling in the past, so i dont want to listen to them. They dont like that were already making out, and my one friend (the one who was annoyed by him) found out he said he loved me and she just about died, she was upset that he was saying it so soon in our relationship. Im asking here because you all put good advice and im sure someones been in this situation before. Do you agree with my friends that we are moving too fast?
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Everyone just seems to use the word love as if it doesnt mean anything love is powerful it hits you and you know it, him telling you he loves you after such a short time seems very odd when you get a little older you will realise SOME men use that word just to get you into bed, love is mistaken for lust alot of the time, i think this guy just wants to feel accepted and safe he is new and wants to feel like he belongs, i think you just need to slow down and tell him that him telling you he loves you so soon is to fast and you feel like he doesnt mean it, your friends are just looking out for you but sometimes even they get it wrong listen to your heart and do what you feel is right you are young and have nothing to lose.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): Heya honey!
I'll be totally honest here, and I dont want you to feel like I'm being mean.
You are moving very fast with him. I dont think theres anything wrong with that, but just be careful. He sounds like a really nice, respectful guy, and you guys seem to get on really well. Theres no reason to loose that.
But I would say, dont rush into anything, like marriage or lifelong committment. If you are that right for eachother, then it wont matter if you wait a month, a year, or five years to get married and have kids. Youre both really young for that stuff, and I know how perfect everyhting can seem at first, but make sure you can have arguments and disagree about things without it making you hate eachother.
I made out with my boyfriend the day we met, we became bf/gf two days later, adn he told me he loved me when we had been going out for four days. I was 18 and not a virgin, but we waited 3 months to have sex. We did pretty much everything else but not that, jsut to make sure that w didnt just have a physical relationship. We love eachother totally, yes we have arguments and fight and make up and can get through things.
If you want to chat about things, feel free to message me!
Dont let your friends dictate to you, but dont do things you dont want to, just to prove them wrong either!
Good luck honey!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): Yes!!!! He is moving to fast!!!! First of all you got with him the next day. To me it tells me he didn't take anytime to get to know you. Then he makes out with you to soon...and the love thing!!!!! Girl......he is full of sh*it! He doesn't love you ok so please don't believe him! If you like him take It really slow..but I think you should leave him alone cause he started off wrong and the love thing is too much. Your friends are right!!! Just wait your young I'm 22 and trust me a lot of men are just after one thing be safe and find a new boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): Perhaps when the English language crosses the Atlantic it loses something in the translation, and I'm not sure what you mean by 'making out'. I always thought it meant having sex, but obviously not in your case! What you probably mean is what we on this side of the 'pond' call 'going out', ie. you are now b/f and g/f. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Anyway, this is all teenage exploratory stuff, we've all done it. In my day (which is probably in pre-historic times by your reckoning) this sort of behaviour was not all that prevalent. Fingering or anything else like that was off-limits at the start of a relationship as it showed complete disrespect for the person you were going out with. Holding hands was permitted after about 3 weeks, kissing 'properly' after a couple of months and so on. How times have changed!
Him telling you that he loves you is cute, but it's only words without substance. You don't love someone in the proper sense of the word until you've been together a long time. Cetainly not after a couple of weeks.
Don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with. It sounds like you're on the right track by my reckoning. Make him wait, he'll love you all the more for it in the long run, and if he can't be bothered to wait it will show that he's only after your body and not your mind as well.
Phil
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (5 October 2007):
 Well, It's truly up to you and your boy how fast your relationship goes.Love is a very strong emotion and it should be said with caution. Let him know that you think it is sweet that he "loves" you already, and if it doesn't bother YOU that he says it, LET HIM. It sounds like your friends are jealous, and keep in mind that three (or 4 or 5) is a CROWD!!! It's your relationship, so the only persons whos opinions should matter are your own and your boyfriend
Good luck and go at your own pace dont let anyone hold you down or make you go faster than your comfortable, and if anyone does than you are better off without them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): yes i do agree, you should have played hard to get a little. you know, make him miss you. Guys are very tricky. he might probably think you easy or make it seem like YOU are moving too fast not him. Take it slow and get to know each other first before you take it to another level.
Your friends are right but don't listen to everything they say. You shouldn't be scared to tell him you not ready and you wont be any time soon, you've got nothing to lose but ur precious self, if he cant handle that than you'll see his true colours. you still young, enjoy it and don't rush into things!
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