A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I've been to this website many times for advice and help with girlfriend issues. Just wanted to thank everybody for the great help and support.An issue arose today with me and my Girlfriend. We have been going strong for several months now and things are going really good. Well, until this morning. Where to young to (legally) be having sex and we both understand that fully. We've been doing other "things" to each other for quite some time now. It all started off as best friends. We both pretty much know every issue about the other and know so many secrets. We decided to go out one day to a movie and things started getting serious between us. I asked her out and gave her a really nice silver necklace. Ever since then we pretty much have been hanging out every day "doing stuff". What I mean by "doing stuff" is things like making out, fingering, pretty much everything other then sex... To the real issue here... Today she texted me a few hours before we where going to hang out at my house. She said "My name, Do you think we are going to fast?". I told her back that i'm fully willing to slow down and that I'll go with whatever she decides is a good pace. She is still coming to hang out but i don't know what do to. I would feel weird asking her what she feels comfortable with even though that's the only thing i can think of doing..Any advice would be greatly appreciated... Thank you all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): you need to talk to her in person and ask her if she wants to slow down the relationship. if you guys dont want to have sex then dont, dont let anyone pressure you into doing something you dont want to. all you guys need to do is agree on how you want to slow it down a problem solved dont be afraid to tell her how you feel and tell her not to hold anything back to let you know excatly how she feels.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 January 2009):
 I think that maybe this is a cue that it's time for another talk with her. I would say that you not ask her for the list of what she's comfortable with; that's not how she's been looking at this, I think.
She's probably generally feeling a bit worried that maybe things are moving too fast and are getting too close sexually for her comfort level right now. She's only young, and even though she may physically look really mature, her maturity is still catching up.
So I think, if I were you, that I would be prepared to only hang out and talk. That's it. So you don't have any expectations, and you won't be hurt if she's not wanting to do anything. She's not rejecting YOU, she's trying to come to terms with sexuality, and again, it may be that things have gone too quickly for her.
I would suggest to you that you just make it a comfortable atmosphere to talk. Say something like, "I got your text, and I want you to know that I only want what's best for you. So if you want to talk about it, I'm here to do that, if you just want to think about things for a while, that's fine, I'll be right here then too. I care about you and I would not want to see you hurt or unhappy."
Give her the space to gather her thoughts together. This may be a vague feeling of unease she has, not something she can articulate well just yet.
And for right now, hold off on going beyond anything but a really passionate kiss. No matter how melty she seems to get, or how much she presses against you, you don't go beyond a kiss. This will give her assurance that you're not forcing her to do anything and that you're still her guy.
Sex is a big deal to most girls, it involves us emotionally and can confuse us. A good rule of thumb, especially at your age, when in doubt, don't. She's doubting, so don't push it. And again, don't take this personally, it's not about you, it's about what's going on in her head. I know that's hard to believe, but it's true.
Take good care of her and yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): well it depends on her , from what youve said it seems like maybe shes abit scared of going to far then something happening between you . some relationships end up really badly if you go to fast cause she may think thats all you want but what you can do is make sure she feels that yu love her 100% and wont ever leave her (make sure u mean it) spend time doing fun romantic things the youll probably end up kissing etc but maybe you just need to gently talk about it and make sure shes comfortable basically. Im saying this cause i know i was scared when me and my boyfriend were going to fast but i guess thats cause we loved eachother but over abit more time i felt comfortable and he always made sure so. Dont make her do anything she doesnt want to is the mesg. hope i helped
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