A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Our relationship is great... but the sex isn't at the moment.Me and my partner have only been together for a month now, which I accept is not a very long time at all. She was a virgin when I met her and as our relationship got underway, so did our sex life. Things started out okay, but as time has gone on I find myself struggling to either achieve orgasm or stay erect. I don't know what the problem is. It doesn't help that she doesn't seem to be very fond of giving/receiving oral sex, something which is a turn on for me. She also isn't keen on my favourite sexual position as it causes "queefing" and she finds it embarrassing. A part of me fears that maybe the issue is that I'm just not that attracted to her, but I don't know why that would be. She's a lovely girl and we have so much in common... she is a little bit on the chubby side, but apart from that I think she is simply gorgeous. So with that in mind, what on earth is the problem? Is it a combination of the issues I mentioned or could it be something else? Does she just need more time and experience? Are we just not compatible in the bedroom? Please help, this problem is causing a great deal of anxiety and I fear it may destroy our relationship!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): I don't have to cut you slack. I'm not your GF. I don't have to baby you either, you are an adult. We all have differing styles and approaches to a problem. So you don't like my style. No different than you having to adjust your bedroom antics to get GF to better be in the mood.That's just how life is. So keep up the taking care of your woman; just carry it over into the bedroom and maybe, with time, love, and care, she will relax and feel more adventurous.I do think you are being ridiculous in your expectations of her and point blank. Its her first sexual experience and you want to b*tch about it?Grow up some more while on this whole, I need help pleasing my woman so she wont' be boring in bed.You are poiting finger of blame on her and I just said no, its not her, its you. Adjust it and back off.The other Aunts were just kinder about it. ;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChalice, I find that an incredibly harsh assumption for you to make with no background knowledge on either me or my relationship. I'll have you know that me and her spent the whole day together because it's something we both wanted to do. I could have gone to work. My boss asked me to and I told him I wasn't available. The other week she wasn't feeling very well when I left her place and I surprised her by returning 20 minutes later with a bag full of goodies and medicines for her with which she was absolutely overwhelmed and delighted. On top of buying her flowers, she is also a big fan of my backrubs. I like to give them when she least suspects them and it never fails to put a smile on her face.
I care about her a great deal. Our relationship is fantastic, it just happens to be that the sex is the only issue I have. I was considerate enough to seek help with the problem elsewhere instead of giving her something to stress over or worry about. I don't want to do that to her, that's why I'm here. Cut me a little slack, won't you?
Thank you anon and Honeypie for your answers, that's very good advice. I guess I have been limiting the number of positions we use. I guess I was just trying to ease her in to the life of sex without either of us pulling any muscles! Haha. But no, I have no intention of breaking things off with her as I'm very happy with her - I'm sorry you had a bad experience anon, but it sounds as though things worked out for the best in the end! - hopefully things will work out okay for us with a bit of time
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): She was a virgin before you, so she obviously isn't going to be knowledgable and perfect at it straight away. Yes she needs experience and that takes time. Give her a chance to get comfortable with this new world of sex she has just entered and do what is comfortable for her. As he confidence grows, she will want to explore new things. When I first lost my virginity I had a boyfriend who assumed because I wasn't a frikkin' expert and there was a lot of things that I wasn't comfortable with, that I just naturally wouldn't ever be comfortable with it, so he broke up with me. Luckily I found a great guy who was understanding and patient, and has experienced with me all the things that I was uncomfortable with at first, and the sex is great now. Give her time and go at her pace, it may take time and practice, but if your not a jerk (which I don't think you are as your asking this here) like my first was then you will be patient.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Maybe back of the sex a while and just get to know her better?
And I think if she is uncomfortable with one position (whether it's your favorite or not) drop that one and try some other ones, there are plenty to try out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): OH NICE. Its her first experience with sex and she is supposed to be some trained sex slave that you snap your fingers and she just services you? *laughs*
Sorry.
Are you trying to train her to be some fake porn goddess? The reasons I object to porn- its sets a very unrealistic standard in MENS head that women HAVE to be so willing, lusty, and ready for dominance and so willing to be demeaned. Porn doesn't even REALLY teach what a Submissive and Dominate dynamic is. Its just graphic sex without the real intimacy.
Do you fancy yourself some dom and her your sub?
Because a TRUE DOM knows how to sexually excite his SUB to insane lust highs that she is willing to do anything for him. But this also takes a helluva lot of trust in the first place.
There is no way, after a month, that you are being realisitc about your sexual intimacy vs sex slave issues/concerns.
I think its you and your unrealisitc, selfish, pleasure me, has a very poor opinion of women, points the finger of blame at her and one of those won't even give an hour of foreplay, massages, wooing, love notes, racy sexts, paying her compliments, buying flowers. Its all a part of romance, intimacy, sex that is the problem.
Just a half assed guess mind you. Being female; I could totally be wrong. *shrugs*
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