A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound really awkward so bare with me.Basically my best friend has been continually harassed throughout her relationship, having people tell her boyfriend she is cheating etc. One of the guys she was accused of cheating with is called John. Eight days ago she introduced me to John, hoping he and I would hit it off and get together, stopping any rumours. She said this as a joke but when I met him I did actually like him, so she tried to set us up. We'd only known each other four days when he asked me out and I said yes. We've now been going out four days and I'm starting to feel a little worried. He is my second boyfriend and I got pretty serious with my first, but although I feel comfortable with how John and I are going, I can't help but think of what other people may think. We'd only been going out a few hours when we first kissed, and obviously have kissed since. But he's already bringing up...other stuff. He'll only mention it as a flirty comment, I think he's trying to see where my boundaries are but I know what he's after, he does say he won't try anything at all until I'm comfortable with it but I can't help thinking maybe we're going too fast? When it comes to touching he's a perfect gent, even when we're alone...I suppose what I'm asking is is this too fast for a barely week long relationship? I'm just a little confused.
View related questions:
best friend, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Yep, you are going too fast. You've known him 8 days and he's talking about sex? Tell him nothing below the neck for 3 months at least and then see if he actually sticks around.
If he keeps on with the comments that make you wonder, tell him that you don't really find those amusing or endearing, that the comments (flirting) are putting you off him.
This is a really good rule for life, apply it now and you'll save yourself a lot of heartache later: decide what your boundaries are, stick to them and DON'T APOLOGIZE or feel guilty or bad if those boundaries are too 'strict' for someone like this extremely new boyfriend. You get to decide what works for you. You really really do, no matter if he (or other guys) try to convince you otherwise.
YOUR body, YOUR decision. Okay?
Hang tough and if you think he's moving too fast for you, well, then he's moving too fast for you. Put your foot down or break up with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): If your already feeling uncomfortable with how things are going then yes it is too fast.
It is only normal to want to have sex with someone that you are attracted to & yes it is good to talk about it & be open with your partner about it but it have only been FOUR DAYS!!
Even as at 24 years old if some started talking about sex after four days I be concerned!
I'd sit him down & have a chat with him,just say that you feel things are moving too fast,you like him & would like to eventually have sex with him but you don't know him well enough yet & you want to get to know him better before you take that step with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, tequilalullaby +, writes (19 April 2012):
What seems too fast for some might be ideal for others... in the end it all depends on how comfortable you are with things. If you're asking this question, then clearly you think things are going too fast.
There is no set timeline, or any obligations, that come along with dating someone. The whole "Don't call back for 3 days or you seem desperate." "No kiss until the third date." "No sex for three months." thing is a poor guideline. Everyone is different, do what feels right in your own time.
That said, I think if it's only been 4 days and John is already talking about sex and such then he may only have one goal in mind. Does he show interest in the things you like? Does he take you out? Basically, is the whole sex thing all he is focused on?
It's easy enough for a guy to be a gentleman for the first little while, and say things he doesn't really mean. Girls who give into guys too easily and usually the ones who get walked all over.
I think you should bring it up with him; tell him you aren't ready for things to move forward so fast, tell him you'll let him know when you are ready and until then just to take things as they come.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 April 2012):
 This guy wants to use you. No "perfect gent" gets physical within hours of meeting each other, and no "perfect gent" in the span of 4 days is pushing the subject of sex.
This is not only way too fast, but he doesn't like you like you like him. He's not just "testing boundaries". He's wanting to use you. He is horny and wants to have sex. You are merely the receptacle of interest at the moment.
Put a stop to all things physical, like the others have said. And truthfully? I'd stop seeing him, or what'll happen is...either you'll give into the pressure and have sex, only to have him dump you, or you'll put a stop to all things physical, only to have him dump you because he's only wanting a piece of ass, to put it bluntly.
He is not a perfect gentleman. Have his hands wandered yet during a kiss? Is he already fondling your breasts or other places? I would bet anything that if he hasn't already, he will within the week, if not sooner.
He's rude, not a gentleman, and wants to use you. Don't be gullible. There are many better guys out there for you to waste yourself on this one.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Next date tell him how you feel. tell him your speed. No sex til 3-6 months of being exclusive (or whatever timeline YOU feel is right). Taking 2-4 months to get a feel for each other BEFORE deciding on being exclusive..
GO at your pace, the fact that you are questioning the pace.. would indicate that you aren't totally comfortable.
What is the hurry?
Personally I think 4 days is way to fast for sex, specially if you are looking for something more serious.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): If I were you I would leave John alone because I feel that your friend and John are just setting this up to make it seems like nothing is going on between them two... I do believe your friend is cheating on her boyfriend with John.... I would say yes you are going too fast without really knowning what is exactly going on with John and your friend... If John is serious about a relationship with you he would take it slow and get to know you for himself and have respect for you. Sounds like John just want to play you for your cookie!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Everybody is different and treats relationships different, again people move at different paces. You need to stop worrying about what other people think, it is none of there business what you and him do. If you are questioning if the relationship is going to fast for you then it more than likely is. Do what you feel right and don't feel pressured in to anything. If anything feels uncomfortable then don't do it, and if you want to slow things down a bit until you both get to know each other better then tell him that.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (19 April 2012):
 If he's a gentleman, he will allow you to set the pace of the romance. I know that sounds old school but because most dudes are willing to go all the way any time any day, a good guy will recognize it will be better to defer to the girl, so that she retains her comfort levels and self-respect. When he sees that she cares about her dignity/self-worth, a good guy will likewise respect her. A confident girl will not sleep with someone because of pressure or for retaining her man, she will do it because she is ready to do it. In my opinion, mentioning sex after the first week/date is not respectful, but he does sound willing to respect your bounds so if you need to slow down then you should slow it down.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 I think that when you aren't feeling comfortable with the speed then it IS too fast. People have their own ideas about what is too soon and too fast, and you always have to follow your own instincts. If you already feel that John is making moves towards.. sex, and that he's making it clear what he is after, then perhaps your relationship with John should end here?
Just because you've kissed a few times doesn't mean you are obligated to make out with him whenever you meet. And I do think that John has been acting more interested in.. other things, than actually getting to know you as a person. It sounds like he might be after just that one thing, and is just waiting around until you are ready. But if so, you aren't that important to him. If he wasn't dating you he'd be dating someone else, and saying the same lines to her about "waiting until she is ready".
Go with what you are comfortable with, maybe John isn't as interested in you as a person as he should be since he's already, after merely 4 days, brought up sex. That's really.. rude. And after 4 days you're not even a couple, you're still just dating! In my book it takes at least 2 weeks before you can call it a relationship, if not a month! And already he's making it clear what he wants....
...............................
|
