A
female
age
41-50,
*athy255
writes:I met this man about 8 months ago. At first we went to lunch together everyday and we spent the night together every weekend and sometimes through the week things were awesome. Soon we quit having lunch together but that was because he no longer works in the same town as I do. We still see each other at least every other weekend, and when we do I usually stay the night and most of the next day, at his request. I have never invited myself over I always wait for the invite. He has told me several times that he does not want me falling in love with him,but he has not said that in about a month or two. He has also told me he does not want a girlfriend, although he has not said that in a while either Usually I am the one calling him asking what he is doing this weekend or find an excuse to come over, I'll tell him I need help with something when I don't really need any help. Things with him started to taper off for awhile right around christmas so I just kind of gave up and would only call once or twice a week. He has began calling me more often last weekend he called me and took me out on a date and I ended up staying with him for the entire weekend. After the date we went and had a few drinks and he began to talk about having a baby and getting married, he said he missed having someone there at night with him, however he did not say that he wanted to marry me or have a baby with me he was just generalizing. His last two major relationships both of them cheated on him and one of them ended up pregant with another man's baby, so he might be jaded from those two relationships. This weekend he called me up for "help" doing something that he could have eaisly done on his own and he has already made plans for us for the next two weekends. He has really began to come around especially since over the last two weeks I have lost more than 15 pounds and I am looking really good now and he is loving the way I look. He tells me he is proud of me for losing the weight. I made a comment about wanting a slice of pie and he replied with it is either the pie or me, he said that three times in a row I did not respond. My question is does he want to just be "friends with benefits", does he want to be my boyfriend, or does he only want to be with me if I lose all the weight to make me be a size 8 instead of a 12, or does he even want to be with me after I lose the weight?P.S. part of the reason I gained some of this weight was because of the lunches together 5 days a week for about 3 months straight.
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female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (8 January 2015):
kathy255 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBeen over 6 years since we met and now we are moving in together. Crazy how everybody thought that I was stupid. We have a wonderful relationship. Thanks to everybody for your hateful messages.
A
female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (18 May 2011):
kathy255 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo it has been more than 2 years since I wrote this question, wow. Guess what folks we are still seeing each other. I love how so many were so negative about our relationship. We are not living together or talking about marriage or anything like that. However, I do spend many nights with him. I have keys to his house. I really don't think that he is a con-artist a$$hole like one of you wrote. Since I wrote this we have been on several weekend trips together some alone and some with the kids. In fact I just got off the phone with him a few minutes ago we were discussing our trip scheduled for next month. I don't think a man who doesn't care about me would still be hanging around after nearly 3 years. Just Sayin'
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A
female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (13 February 2009):
kathy255 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI found out yesterday while talking with some of my coworkers who use to work with his ex that she indeed cheated on him for a long time. I did not even ask the questions they were just talking about previous employees. I found it very interesting. They told very explicit details about her it was kind of funny even.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): As we discussed in private mail, simply let him know you are ready for a commitment from him and ask for it...it is good for him!
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A
female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (9 February 2009):
kathy255 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBTW I do know that those women cheated on him because one of the women has a child by another man so it is obvious, the other one I was told by his kids that their mom cheated. The reason we went to lunch and not dinner and I did not stay with him through the week is because he works 65 hrs or more a week and as soon as I get off work I go to school full time, so I do not have the time to be with him during the week. That is probably why I do treasure the time I spend with him on the weekends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Oh my god, he sounds like a complete con artist ass hole...sorry, I have been here done that.
How do you know he is telling you the truth that he was cheated on, he may be playing the sympathy card to get you to work for it....when he tells you he doesn't want a girlfriend.
He also makes comments about your weight to keep your self esteem low and to see how har you will work to keep him.
He doesn't have to do much of anything, you are doing all the work in the relationship.
Lunches mean he was in a relationship while he was seeing someone else at night....
He is juggling women, and when his local woman is out of town you get to spend the entire weekend.
Talking about marriage and having a baby but not talking about you.......keeps you hooked in....he is really good and you are really not asking the proper questions.
Call him out on some of this, stop pursuing him and see how hard he works for you....ask him when he wants to get married and how does he see you in his future?
Does he ever talk about the future with you in it? Have you met any of the important people in his life or are you a big secret? How long has this been going on?
I don't think he wants anything, he has the perfect system going on right now.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but reading your post pissed me off, for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): He sounds more like a boyfriend than a FWB! When a man tells you he doesn't want you to fall in love with him, it's usually because he's afraid of falling in love.
Just take it slow, things seem to be going well. Don't try to second guess him. Don't try to rush things. Enjoy the journey!
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