A
female
age
41-50,
*lane Stupid
writes:We've been together for 3-years. This weekend was a nightmare. A few things were happening, my aunty died about a week ago and I am naturally grieving. But my partner doesn't get it. He's never lost anyone close to him and doesn't know what it's like grieving. The closest he's ever lost is a pet. We had to fly interstate on Friday, and were surrounded by his family. I have a fear or flying, and require certain comforts to make the flight more pleasant. He said he's sick of having to cater for my needs. At the family get together, I was surrounded by beautiful people who I thought were smarter dressed and better looking. I commented to my partner that I felt a bit "plain Jane" in comparison. Not to the point it upset me, but I just commented. Then, lastly on the way home... We had to fly in the dark and I started to panic. By the time we got home, we were both tired and drained. He became cranky about something very trivial, and I asked him what's wrong. He said he's sick of me being scared of flying (whinging about the delayed flight) and saying that I am never good enough. May I add here that he is very much a whinges about things he can't change, for example he gets upset that he can't control what people do and calls them "stupid" when they don't behave the same way he does. He's just acting selfish and doesn't understand my, and my family's need to mourn. He's just losing his patience a lot more and I feel like the worst partner in the world.... Even though my concerns are probably quite normal... E.g. Being upset my aunt dying, fear of flying, thinking someone is prettier than me. But he says he's sick of it all (when he was really tired). There was no talking to him about it, because he just wanted to sleep. This weekend was really hard for me. To be around his happy family, when mine are mourning. I was just more miserable than usual. Are we doomed? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): I do not think you are doomed-just looking to the wrong source for emotional support.You have special needs that most people are not equiped to handle. You can not force him to understand. It sounds like he had a hard time with you feeling so vulnerable. He may be complaining because he sees your emotions getting away from you and doing you more harm than good. There is no one size fits all way to mourn. Focus on healing and acknowledging the loss. Your bf might just see your emotions as wanting to be babied/attention. At this time, seek to your family, your doctor, etc who can help you with your anxieties and support you towards healing.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 No you are not doomed. Don't look for him for comfort. He might be thinking that his mere presence could bring you happiness but he has to allow you to be sad for now. All the other aunts would sympathize with you. Show him all the responses so he would know he's not being appropriate. He probably already knew that. Sometimes the things we want most from our partners are the things that are hardest for them to do. The natural thing to do is to comfort you, give you space, and accept he's not priority and happy days have to wait. When stress hits one's vision gets clouded. I think you just have to let it pass because not every day in your life will be a tragedy. He on the other hand has to understand that not everyday is a sunny day.
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