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female
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*urrfectionist84
writes: Help!I am thinking about telling my boyfriend that I love him, but I'm afraid that he might not say it back, or that I'll scare him off! (He hasn't done anything in particular to make me think this; this is just my own paranoia setting in.) We'll be dating for one year as of Valentine's Day. I know that the time it takes to say "I love you" varies from couple to couple, but it seems like a year of serious, committed dating is a long time to go without saying it, at least compared to my previous relationships and to others' relationships. I'm crazy about him...I long to say it...and to hear it!After we were dating just a month and a half, he asked me if I loved him, and I said, "Nah! We've only been dating a month and a half!" He just nodded and said, "Yeah, I guess I'd be concerned if you thought you loved me already." I got a gut feeling that he was in love with me, but just wasn't saying it. It seemed to be written all over him. We both agreed to wait until we were in love to have sex, but only five months into the relationship, without saying "I love you," we had sex. It kind of bothered me that neither of us said it, but I knew that I did love him. I guess that having sex with him was the best way I could show him without actually saying the words. (He knew that I was a virgin, and that I was saving my virginity for someone I really loved.)Seven months into the relationship, he mentioned something about how we'd been dating seven months, and how people's feelings naturally intensify over the course of a relationship, so how was I feeling about him now? I was too shy to say much of anything.Then, about nine months into the relationship, he asked me when he was going to hear "that special little three-word phrase," and again, I was speechless, feeling so much but unable to verbalize it.He keeps hinting that he wants me to say it, but I'm just too shy to say it because I feel like the guy should have to say it first! If he wants to hear it so badly, why doesn't he just say it? Are we both just being stubborn fools? I think that we both know how we feel, and that we also know that the feeling is mutual. Could our hesitance have anything to do with the fact that his last relationship lasted five years, and mine lasted for four years, so we both have a pretty good idea of what love is, but just don't feel like rushing it?
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male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (14 January 2006):
 This is stupid. Let your actions speak louder than words. You shouldn't need to say it or make a deal out of it!
PS. That "special three word phrase"... Aw man I bet nearly ALL guys love it when their girlfriend utters those special three words. It just makes their hearts go boom and their knees go weak: "sloppy blow job". Good on ya girl - some are too prudish, wouldn't ya know!
A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (13 January 2006):
 It definietly sounds like he has been feeling you out on the "I love you" subject. He is probably just as afraid as you are to say it. If you trully feel it then I see no reason to keep from saying it, after all even if he didn't feel the same way, it is still how you feel and you should always be able to share how you feel. So go for it, tell him you love him. Good luck.
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