A
female
age
30-35,
*eancePlz
writes:okay umIm 15 and I really hate my body, Im 6 foot so it's really awkward im taller than everyone...and im big boned, im a little overweight but nothing big, i hate my legs and my stomach and upper arms,Im always wearing dark clothes and hoodies cause I hate my body so much,Everyone around me isnt helping, saying ill 'slim out' after i barley said anything, im sorry im not a size 5 like you were when you were my age but you dont have to make me feel terrible.I always talk to my guy friends who make me feel even worse, I hate guys so much, they only think girls are hot if they have a small body with a big chest an a perfect face.I think guys shouldnt care wat size a girl is as long as theyre a good person.I wana know how i can feel better about myself,and i wana know that theyre are guys out there ide be atracted to that would like my body an love my personality, insted of them only going after the size 4 scene girls.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): I'm a male, 17 years old and I'll be honest with you. Whenever I go somewhere, the first girls I notice are the 'so-called hot-chicks'. Seeing how beautiful they look, perfect breasts, nice legs, and so on. But I only notice them at first. After a few seconds I see the whole picture, I see the 'not so hot girls' then to. At first glance they look like this, but when you look further, seeing in their eyes. Observe the figure, behaviour, facial expressions but most importantly the look in their eyes. Then I look at the hot chicks and do the same, and you know what? Some of them seem less attractive. Yes, my hormones like the girls with the hottest bodies, but that's just a sexual feeling. Sex isn't just what I'd want in a relationship, I want love, trust, passion ,... So I eliminate those girls where I feel only the sexual attraction.
If you're figure isn't that perfect, don't show it in your behaviour. But show how beautiful you are on the inside, that's the kind of girls I'm interested in. So to answer your question, would I be attracted to you? Who knows, feel beautiful and I might be. You never know what might happen.
I feel insecure to, but not because of figure. I have a hard time approaching a girl and talk to her, let alone ask her out. Some guy's may feel like this. Other's might be attracted to you to, but care to much about what their friends might say.
So don't feel down just because you think nobody could ever love you. Some day you'll meet someone who won't think you're to big, but see the one inside you and how beautiful that girl is. Love can see past these obstacles, no matter what.
I wish you a future with someone who'll love you complete.
With love and wishes,
LBC
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): hey sweety
i know how hard it can be dealing with the pressures of highschool and feeling the need to fit that mold...i've been there, i've done it all, and unfortunately i made a lot of mistakes over the course of my teen years that led to an eating disorder i still struggle with...
let me tell you, i totally get feeling that guys only want skinny girls with big boobs and perfect straight hair and pretty faces...can't tell you how many of my diary entries from jr high said exactly that. i'll start by saying even if you were a size 4, had big boobs, and fit every other stereotype for beauty, it does no good having other people-yes even guys- think and tell you you are pretty if you can't believe it your self. It's easy to say 'well if i looked like that i would think i was pretty', but believe me even if you get your hair died blonde(or brunette or red or whatever colour you think it should be for that matter), loose a bit of weight, wear popular clothes, and have people tell you what you want to hear, you would likely find that you still had insecurities
i'm sorry to babble on about myself, but i feel its important to tell you a bit of my own story to make a point to you...in jr high, i was probably 50 pounds over weight, had bad skin, un-dyed 'plain' brown hair that i didn't know how to style, and i packed on makeup to cover it all up, but it wasn't good enough. the summer before highschool started i went from a size 12 to a size 8 (i'm 5'2" so that's a big difference), but i gained it all back and got even bigger to 170 lbs and a size 14. i continued to loose up to 20 lbs, and gain it all back about 3 or 4 times, and then finally in grade 11 at 17 and not fitting into even my bigger clothes i started purging (throwing up) what i ate. then i started restricting myself to as low as 100 calories some days and fasting (women are supposed to eat 2000 calories a day). of course i lost weight, but i still felt fat and like i needed to be some ideal, not to mention i was extrememly unhealthy, and in my senior year am now trying desperately to make up for how badly my marks plummeted because i couldn't focus on ANYTHING but food. it totally took hold over my life, and for what? i was too insecure to be in any relationship because i couldn't bare to let anyone else get close to my body when i couldn't even look at it..even 30 pounds lighter, wearing smaller clothes, with straight blonde hair, makeup, and everything else i thought was 'beautiful', i still felt fat, ugly, and undesirable.
it's taken some time, and i am deffinitely not there yet, but i'm finally starting to recover-why? because i FINALLY realised that hearing that i'm beautiful, having guys interested in me, and wearing expensive clothes meant NOTHING unless i believed that i would be beautiful WITHOUT all of those things. not all beautiful women are tiny, big breasted, blonde and blue eyed. look at tyra banks, and america ferrera-even angelina jolie said they felt ugly and boys werent interested in them in school, an now i'll bet all of your guy friends would think they are 'hot'.
beyond that, you need to realise all the things you are AMAZING at and everything that makes you an individual, wonderful person aside from how you look, the day i started to move on from my eating disorder was the day that i realised that i AM worth something despite not being a size four, and to be honest in terms of guys i have had some of my best relationships at a higher weight than i am now. highschool can be tough but surround your self with a group of amazing friends and believe that you are amazing and beautiful and smart and worth something!! guys liking you is not solely dependant on how you look!! even a year or two will make a big difference in the guys around you and you will start to notice them maturing and in turn will not only want to date size 4 scene girls.
i know that now, a lot of my own guy friends have girlfriends who they probably would've made fun of at 16-but once they mature they realise that these girls are great and fun to be around, and any guy will tell you how beautiful he thinks his girl is regardless of how she looks. the truth is that teenagers are still finding out who they are and when you are told that size 4, blonde, scene girls are hot that's what you believe, as to not stray from the crowd. in reality there is no single definition for beauty-it can be blonde, brunette, short, tall, size 4, size 14, and beyond. it sounds corney, but personality REALLY is more important, guys may find a girl hot but if she is a total bitch, let me tell you she will be used and abused if all they want is her body/sex, that's all she'll get back. if a guy really likes you for who you are, you will get a lot more out of him.
i hope this helps you a bit and i hope you can see that you are an amazing, talented, beautiful person regardless of what any 16 year old boy would say.
best wishes
xx
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